Who Cares?

Rest

2012-01-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

So I have been having a terrible time sleeping. I can get to sleep but I can't stay asleep. It makes for a very long night. I tried taking Tylenol PM and Advil PM. They worked great initially. I fell into a dreamless sleep and woke up feeling pretty good. That was until they stopped working. So then I tried exercising it didn't help. I tried Yogi Bed time tea.. It relaxed me but then I had to get up 3 times that night to pee! UGH.

I had to go to the doctor to get my lab slip for my regular thyroid medication. I sat there on the verge of tears explaining how I cannot sleep. My doctor prescribed some meds. He said it was flexible enough for me to adjust myself. If one tab makes me feel groggy the next day I can cut it in half. If it isn't working I can take 2. I felt like a chump having to ask for help sleeping but the doctor reassured me that I was in a vicious cycle. Stress can keep me from sleeping and the lack of sleep stresses me out more. He said my thyroid is probably out of whack as well. *SIGH I'm not a pill taker normally. I hate the idea that I have to rely on something foreign to make me rest but I'm at my wits end.

I picked up my prescription and started to read the information slip inside. It's not a sleeping pill, it's an antidepressant! I don't feel like a chump anymore. I feel like a loser! I know I shouldn't feel this way but I don't FEEL like I'm depressed. I felt like I was working through my issues and dealing well with it. Now I have meds for it. :( I'm hoping I can get off them quickly. I don't like having meds that mess with my head.

My life with the mob

2012-01-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sleep has been so elusive. I wake up every little while, look over at the clock and cringe. The Tylenol PM and Advil PM were helpful at first. They don't work anymore. It makes for a very long night. Last night I kept dreaming the same dream with different characters. At first we were being chased by mobsters. I think I was somehow involved with a rival group we kept moving from hotel to hotel to avoid being killed by our enemies. My husbands drove our car in high speed chases and evasive his maneuvers kept us unharmed. I WOKE UP. Later the dream was different, now I was with my brother and a child I didn't recognize. We were hunkered down in a hotel and I was keeping watch when I saw the car load of mobsters, dressed in fuchsia hats and long jackets, pull up and pour out of a car with their Tommy guns at the ready. I waited till they were out of site and ushered my brother and this child out of the room, down to the car and we sped away. Then I WOKE UP again.

It's not a good start to the day when you wake up and start planning a nap.

Bound by love

2012-01-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Writing about my dad's death is helping. It's a place to release some of the confusion and turmoil in my head. I'm glad Blogger didn't delete my account. :)

Last night I had a lovely conversation with the woman who sat by my dad's bedside while he was hospitalized. We spoken over the phone before but finally met at his funeral. This loss has bound us together. Together we can share the grief and comfort one another. It's an interesting place to find myself in. My father had thrust us upon each other when I was asking about his meeting with the doctor. He couldn't remember what the doctor had called his condition and needed her to repeat it to me. I found her easy to talk to and very concerned and involved in my dad's care. She was a lifeline to him when he was too sick to talk or when he was having surgery. She kept me in the loop when he was sick, and I kept her in the loop when he died. I find that I have shared more with her in the short time we've known each other than I would have ever imagined.

Last night she lifted my spirits by telling me he had spoken of me often and that he was indeed proud of the woman I had become. I needed to hear that.

Ebb and flow

2012-01-10T10:04:00.001-07:00

We're back from burying my fathers ashes. Instead of the heart wrenching sobs I was filled with silent tears and the realization that this is now so final. Once again we were surrounded by those that loved him too. (I'm not angry with these people. They lived too far away to visit my dad in the hospital.) I had lots of hugs from those that I barely know. Yet standing on the hill that will be my fathers final resting place I felt alone. People talked of how he would love this place, near his father's grave, out in the country. I didn't feel that way. I felt like it was a cold place, lonely and silent. Far from the bustling world. A far cry from the kind of guy my dad was in life.

When my grandmother died I felt terrible pain. My fathers death is different. The pain is more intense. I feel changed. I can't quite put my finger on it but I am no longer the OGO I was before. I often feel lost, I have trouble making decisions and I'm having trouble remembering things. Thoughts of him invade my mind all day and all night. I'm told it's part of my grief. I hope it is because if it isn't I'm losing my mind.

Now we move on to divvying up my dad's worldly goods. It makes me so uncomfortable. He was so much more than the sum of his assets and yet that's what we've come to now. I am trying to look at it as his last effort to take care of his children. As if the situation wasn't icky enough I have to deal with his would be ex-wife. Our relationship before this was strained and so far communication has been minimal. This isn't helping. I'd like this step to get over with quickly so I never have to deal with her again.

The anger is slowly receding. It's not gone but it isn't raging anymore. Time marches on.

Ripping off the scab.

2012-01-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

Just when I'm slipping into the regular routine. It's time to put my father in his final resting place. He didn't want to be buried in the place he died. So we are putting him to rest where he wanted this weekend. I'm afraid it's going to rip me up again but I HAVE to be there. I would never forgive myself if I didn't go. So it's a road trip for my family this weekend. I hope your plans are more fun.

Back to the grind.

2012-01-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the kids first day back to school. The house is very quiet. It should be a good day to do some baking. My boy wanted bread with his dinner the other night but I had NONE in my freezer. Tonight is spaghetti and meatballs so I think some garlic bread may be in order.

Not spewing venom today. It's a kinder gentler OGO.

Anger

2012-01-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have felt so angry since we got home. I want the whole family to feel the pain I'm feeling and yet they don't. They can't. I know that in my head but my heart doesn't listen. I'm angry because they go on living their lives, and going about their business. I want them to feel what I do. I want them to feel the loss the way I do. I want everything to STOP for them too.

I'm angry because my dad could have been divorced before he died. Something about the wording made him decide not to sign. So now the woman who no longer wanted to be his wife is handling his business. This woman has made me feel left out my whole life. Now she's taking care of my dad's estate. (Something he would be very unhappy about.) I wonder if she will play nice and include me or if once again she'll treat me as the outsider. My siblings say they will make sure it happens but they don't speak their mind when she is in the room. It remains to be seen.

I'm angry because we had been making plans. We were hoping to move to Tulsa. It would have been an easy stop on his way from his home to his farm. I was gonna have him over for Thanksgiving and Christmas when we got there. We were going to be close enough to go to his farm and he was going to teach my boy to drive a tractor. He was going to retire to the farm. The place that made him the happiest. I was going to be close enough to help care for him. Not anymore.

I'm angry because I will no longer get to talk to him on the phone. Seeing his number come up on caller id would put an instant smile on his face. In an instant I was daddy's little girl. Since his hospitalization we talked daily. I want so much to call him and tell him that we are getting closer to our Tulsa goal. I can't. I can't bear to take his number out of my phone, address book or calendar. It would be like he didn't ever exist.

I'm angry because at his funeral there wasn't enough room to hold all the people. People were filling the sanctuary, the basement, the stairs and spilling outside. It was touching, but where were all these people when he was laying in the hospital? Why didn't they visit?

I'm angry because I had planned to care for him when he got out. I didn't go earlier because we couldn't afford for me to make two trips out. Instead all four of us went out to watch him die.

I feel like a fraud. People tell me how sweet and nice I am. How much "grace" I exhibit when dealing with our family "situation". I'm not nice. I'm seething. I want to scream at people and let them know how I feel. If they only knew.

Good riddance.

2012-01-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

In 2011 I lost two grandmothers and my father. I'm happy to see this year end.

He's gone.

2011-12-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

My dad is dead. He'd checked into the hospital in the beginning of November. One thing after another. He died about a week before Christmas. I'm heart broken.

After 30 minutes of resuscitation efforts they put him on life support. He stayed that way till I was able to get there. 12 hours of airports, flights, and lay overs. He looked so different laying in that bed. My superman dad looked frail. His hair was now white. . After spending 7 weeks in the hospital barely able to walk his muscle tone was gone. He still had blood on his hand and some in his hairline, presumably from his fall early the previous morning. His chest was rising and falling as the machine breathed for him. This was not supposed to be. I had just talked to him.. He sounded terrific. He sounded like my dad again. Strong and determined. It had been a long battle to get to this point, that's why this was so unbelievable. Why had he been up in the wee hours of the morning? Why wasn't there someone to help him? Would he have got up on his own? He knew better.

We had plans. We were trying to move closer. So that his trips to his farm could have a lay over at my home. He was going to teach my son to drive a tractor. He was going to let my daughter learn to drive in the open spaces of his farm. We were gonna have family dinners together at my house. Gonna gonna gonna. Not anymore. His divorce was nearly final. Matter of fact had he signed the papers on Thursday before he died it would have been done. Something kept him from it. He had plans to do the things he'd been putting off. Motorcycle trips and retiring to his farm. Gonna gonna gonna. Not anymore.

I held his hand. I ignored all the beeping and whirring of the machines. I sobbed. Soul shaking sobs. Somewhere from deep within me. His hands looked so old. Not like the hands I had rubbed ointment into the year before. The nails were longer. His once deep dark skin was so pale. I rubbed and rubbed at the dried blood on his hand. It wouldn't come off. I begged him to come back to me. I ordered him to come back to me. I chastised him for taking this hoax on for far to long. Nothing worked. Then. I felt his fingers move. It was more like a twitch. My heart leapt! Could it be? Was he hearing me? Was he coming back? NO. The nurse came in to attend to all the beeping the pulse ox thing was making. They had put him on 100% oxygen and yet the pulse ox was able to detect it anymore. He was fading.

My dad died in the early morning hours of December 18th. I have this gaping suck hole of pain in my heart. I can't see it going away anytime soon. He's gone. He's really gone.

Stuff

2011-09-19T04:30:00.000-07:00

So we are back on our school schedule and things are going well. Homework seems to be a lot heavier this year. I'm not exactly happy about that but what can I do? My daughter has taken on a heavy class load this year by taking HONORS classes. We expected it to be tougher but we didn't expect the homework to increase as much as it has. I give her kudos for hanging in there and getting it done though. I really hope the heavy class load will benefit her in the end. My son who is only in 2nd grade comes home with a heavy load as well. So by default I also have homework. Lots of checking math and quizzing of spelling words. Don't forget the nightly reading. SHEESH!

This year Aidan decided to join Cub scouts. I made it very clear to him that if he decided to join, and we spent all the money for uniforms and patches that he would have to see it through. It gave him pause, but in the end he decided to do it. I'm glad he did. Mostly. Already it has forced us to get out of our comfort zone which is good for us. Sometimes we get stuck in the same ol' same ol' and we miss opportunities to grow. Scouting is shaking things up a little. We've already met great new people and had new experiences that have been terrific for the entire family. On the downside we are struggling to get the information we need to participate. When we signed up we gave out our email and phone numbers but we haven't been getting any info that seems to be mostly in email form. We've missed one meeting and struggled to get enough information to attend the local college football game. Getting there wasn't the issue. Making sure my boy got to take advantage of the opportunity to go down on the field and meet the coach proved to be tricky. I've made it known to everyone we aren't in the loop and I hope we are finally getting somewhere with all that. I mean we've been selling popcorn and have all our gear, shouldn't we be able to go to a meeting? The leaders all claim to be laid back, and I appreciate that. (So does my wallet, since we don't have to purchase a WHOLE uniform.) I just think that laid back shouldn't mean crappy communication. Other than that we are pleased! Ha ha ha!

Sorry it's taken so long to post. I was doing so good, but it's not routine yet.

Back in the saddle

2011-08-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

School is back in and we seem to be back in to the swing of things. Since CCB got promoted he has better hours and is able to take my daughter to school most mornings. That's a big deal because it allows her to sleep an extra hour and get up at 5:45 am! My son appears to be getting lots of homework but some how he's getting a lot of it done before he gets home so I mostly have to check it. He hates homework. My daughter has honors classes and it appears that it's going to be a challenge for me to be able to help her when she needs it. It's just been so long! I'm gonna have to sharpen my skills!

My husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been that long already. We have been together 19 years now and I realize I've been with him for half my life! I like that stat. It's comforting to know he's always there. He's seen me at my best as well as at my lowest, and he hasn't gone running for the hills yet!

In the kitchen I tried my hand at baking Ciabatta bread. It came out pretty darn good. Not very labor intensive, no kneading or anything. It just took lots of TIME. My recipe said to mix up the starter and let it sit over night. Then add in the rest of the ingredients and let it rise for 3 hours. Then form it on your baking sheets and let it rise 30 more minutes. Easy peasy just takes a little planning, or in my case a timer!

I finished my first tow up sock. While I like the process I wasn't excited about the sock. It wasn't the patterns fault though. I believe it was the yarn I was using. I used the left over yarn from my knitted tank top. Matching socks right? Yeah well, not so much. I have made i-cord bracelets for everyone in the house and finished up an old beaded bracelet. Inspiration struck but I didn't have what I needed to put them together so the other ideas are just jotted on a piece of paper. :( I feel compelled to knit but I have no project picked out. ACK!

Busy

2011-08-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've been a little busy this week. Got all the stuff done for my sons return to school. My daughter's supply shopping won't be attempted till the first day of school. No lists given out early in High school. Nope. We got her schedule and we got the names of her teachers but no lists. SO the entire high school will be out in force on Monday afternoon. Wiping out the shelves of all the local stores. I unfortunately will be right in the middle of it. I like to get things done early so I don't have to be in the mess but the just won't let me!

I've also been busy "relaxing" with my honey. He couldn't take a full week off because they are short handed at work so he split his last week of vacation up and combined a couple of days with his days off. It's been nice having him home. I think I've taken a nap every day! Come Monday everyone will be off to work or school and I will go from busy bustling home to silence. I'm a little sad about that. On the other hand, my husband gets one day off during the week when the kids are in school and we use that as our "date day". It's a day I look forward to every week. :D So back to school is bitter sweet.

We went to see Captain America at the theater today. (It's my husbands birthday.) I went in to the bathroom after the movie and the first stall I entered had a wet seat. BLECH! Come on ladies! Have some respect. The next stall had no latch so it just swung back open after I entered. Finally I found a suitable stall but it took some searching! I don't know how people can leave a place that we all have to share so gross.

Teaching myself to knit some socks from the toe up. I think I like it better than the other way. I've completed the toe and am working on the mid part of the foot now. It will be interesting to see how working the gusset is from the other direction. Found a site online that has some great tips. It disturbs me how much I enjoy learning new techniques by reading or watching videos online. SO much to learn!

My belly is full of birthday cake and I should go change into some looser pants. CCB requested a spice cake but they had no mixes at the store. I found a recipe online and whipped one up but was worried since I had never tried it before. I didn't know if it was going to be like he was looking for or not. I lucked out. Trial run was a hit! I need more notice for special requests! Hee hee!

I hope you all have a great week!

crickets

2011-08-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

Wow so many of my favorite old bloggers have moved on from this place. Back in the day we were quite the crew! Now I have to go out and meet new bloggers. New people who make me laugh, teach me something new, or enthrall me with their stories. Don't worry old "FAVES" I'm not letting you off the hook, you are stuck with me. It's just a little quiet around here and I like a little noise!

Wish me luck!

Etsy

2011-08-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I want to start an Etsy store. I love to crochet and knit and I love to get money. Sounds like a match made in heaven right?! I have a bit of a problem. I have SO many different project ideas bouncing around in my head I just need to get my personal project done so I can start inventory projects! LOL! There are so many more crafts I'd like to learn. Jewelry making looks fun. Soap making sounds cool. Card making? Check! If only I had the money and the space for all the supplies I'd need!

I have a few completed projects that are stashed away but it's been a while since I made them. I can't remember fiber content etc to give a thorough description. I guess I'll keep them for gifts.

OH! Granny Annie! I ran across a pattern for making scrubbies like the ones you sent me after your bike naming contest! I can't wait to make some more! :D

Indecision

2011-08-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

Had a pity filled post about family written. Then I thought there may be a family memeber reading. Not sure what they'd do with what they read. Feelings are a little tender right now, so I hid it away.

Then I had a post about birthday money and how it fills my head with possibilities. So many that I can't decide how to use it. I figured that was a goofy thing to post about so I deleted it.

So sorry this is all you get today. Fragments of larger posts.

Dis and Dat

2011-08-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Talked to my dad this morning. Doesn't look like he's getting out of the hospital today after all. He sounds like his old self but it seems his blood pressure is bouncing up and down so they want to monitor him and see what's causing that. At least he's where he needs to be for care. He doesn't like to go to the doc so if they sent him home he probably wouldn't follow up on it. In the hospital he has no choice! :)

I'm working a knitting project. Up till now the only things I'd done were scarves and socks. LOVE knitting socks, it gets a little tricky but I like a challenge. So I wanted to venture into other things I could actually use. I have more afghans than I can use and don't need any more doilies or hot pads. (crocheted them ages ago) So I settled on a project I could wear but wouldn't take ages to do. It makes me practice increases and decreases which I need to do. It's a tank top. I know! A knitted tank top. Sounds kinda weird. It's cute in the picture though so I'm hoping I can do it justice with my newly acquired knitting skills. I'll post a picture when it's all done.

Almost school time again. I have most of my sons supplies stashed away and just need to focus on uniforms. As luck would have it most of the kids stuff still fits from last year. THAT is a blessing. They only need a few things to fill in the gaps. I have to hem a pair of my sons pants from last year and make them into shorts. His waist is the same he just shot UP. :) I'm glad I finally learned how to hem. I have saved lots of uniform pants this way. Yet another skill I picked up from the trusty Internet. HA HA!

I'm off to get my knit on. Hope you have a wonderful day!

Helpless

2011-08-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Got a message from my sister today telling me that my dad was in the hospital. He'd been admitted last night. We live hundreds of miles away from them and it kills me at times like this. I feel so helpless. Nothing I can do but wait and call for updates. The first time I called him he sounded weak and sleepy. Said they had brought his blood sugars down from somewhere in the 800's to 240 or so. Found out he has a staph infection. Glad he's getting treatment.

A few hours later I called back and found a totally different voice on the other end of the phone. Much more spunky and much more like my dad. I know he will be OK. I know that he is in good hands, but there is just something about being there. SEEING that he's OK and that he's getting what he needs. It's something that eats at me each time something happens to someone I love who lives somewhere I don't.

If you love someone, tell them!

Hope

2011-07-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

For the few of you who were around when we were struck by the unemployment bug, we're on our way back. The job my husband took has proven to be a blessing to us. It's true that there was a big cut in salary, but there was also a cut in stress, and hours. There are more important things than money, we actually get to see each other now! Gone are the 7am to 10pm twice a week shifts. Gone is the gnarly commute time. A pleasant plus is that these people actually appreciate my husband. They give him credit when it is due. They don't hammer away at him and make him feel terrible like the old place did.

On July 5th they officially promoted CCB. It was the perfect scenario. The very thing I had been hoping for. By promoting him HERE my daughter gets to stay in the same school. We get to avoid a move that would have likely been short term. My honey gets to get his feet wet in his new position here and when a spot opens up where he wants to go (Oklahoma) then we can go for it. I wish my daughter could finish High school here but that remains to be seen.

For the first time in our relationship, my husband has a set schedule. I can plan my meals and schedule outings. It's a whole new world! So what started out as an ugly turn of events, deception and backstabbing, were replaced by nothing but good things! It took a little time to see all that positives coming from such hurt. I can't help but believe there is more on the horizon for us. My hope is back.

Mixed feelings

2011-07-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

In 1980 my father married my step monster. I have NEVER liked her. She is mean spirited and never treated me like her own. I never knew what my dad saw in her but figured there must be something good to attract a great guy like him. I dreamed of him leaving her for years. Finally I gave up hoping for that and just focused on getting out of their house and away from her.

So as over joyed as I am that he has seen her for what she is, and is divorcing her mean spirited and money grubbing butt, I have a sad side effect. Her family who has been MY family for the last 30 years will no longer be MINE. Sure I will still chat with them. I will still stop to see them when I'm in town, as I'm sure they will do if they are in my neck of the woods. It's those family get togethers that I will miss. That's when this huge 90+ member family all comes together and you get to see people you don't get to see on the regular basis. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 4th of July... My siblings don't have the same issue, they are HER children. So no one will think twice about whether they should come or not. I'm the "floater" . Her family is wonderful by the way. (I never understood how she could be so different.) They have always accepted me and made me feel like one of them. They have always seen how she treated me and been quick to comfort or commiserate with me. I cannot however expect them to invite me when SHE will be in attendance. That makes me really sad.

Be careful what you wish for I guess.

New and improved!

2011-07-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

When I blew out the cobwebs from my blog I thought it looked a little dated. Whattaya think of the new format? Nice huh? I'm trying bring it all current with my blog links and so forth and so on. It's like new!

Growing

2011-07-26T05:56:00.004-07:00

Today is sophomore orientation. I can't believe my baby is a 10th grader now! It's surreal that my daughter is now entering a time in her life that I can remember so vividly from my own. (Does that make sense?) As much as I'd like to stick my head in the sand and live in denial (hee hee) I just gotta grit my teeth and bear it.

My mind is switching from thoughts of my "baby" to thoughts of making sure she's ready for the real world. Does she have the tools to cope with the "tools" out there? Can she see when someone is lying to her? Have I taught her the things she needs to know to run her own house someday? OY! I have so much to do yet!

I hope I don't screw this up! She's a wonderful girl and I want to do right by her!

WAVE of the future.

2011-07-22T09:50:00.002-07:00

So I got a NuWave oven for my birthday. I did not want it. I tried to get the person NOT to give it to me. My husband told them I wouldn't use it and that we didn't have the space for it. Even with all that I am now the owner of a Nuwave oven. The giver told me I could return it and they would credit his card and he could get me something else. (It was a pricey gift by my standards) I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to seem ungrateful. So now it's packed in my closet.

The upside...It seems I can use this counter top oven to dehydrate foods. I love dried cherries and strawberries. My husband loves beef jerky. I also have a bumper crop of basil growing out back. So maybe just maybe I can put it to use. My husband got me a mandolin for slicing and dicing so it would appear that I'm all set.

Here is my question to you. Does anyone here dehydrate foods? Any advice? Any pitfalls to avoid? I'm excited to try it.

BIRTHDAY!

2011-07-21T06:17:00.002-07:00

Today is my birthday. Isn't it funny how when you are a kid you can't wait till your birthday rolls around. You count down the days! Now it's almost like any other day. Except I look forward to getting treated to dinner out. :D I don't dread it, YET. Age is nuttin but a number. My number? 39!

Growin my own. :(

2011-07-19T11:43:00.003-07:00

It's been a rainy few days. Makes me want to clean and bake!

Since we are living in an apt these days I can't have the garden I want. While I have a yard I can't dig it up so I've resorted to pots. Slowly ever so slowly everything is either dying or getting eaten. It's really disappointing. I had a pepper plant doing so good, couple of peppers growing then POOF! It started to wilt and the pepper didn't get any bigger. I have no idea what the deal is. Spinach? Oh yes it was doing well despite the heat. Till some voracious bugs moved through my handful of plants like a buffet. Tomatoes? Gottem. Not filling out. Just making blooms that go no where. My habenero's are beautiful it's just not making any peppers. My basil is exquisite! So much so I don't think I'll be able to use it all. I may have to try dehydrating it. My last great hope is for my watermelons. I have to small melons I'm pampering. Please oh PLEASE don't die!

If you were to ask me what my dream would be, it would be to have a little piece of land, not FAR from town, but far enough to be peaceful. A HUGE garden out back with beautiful fruit trees too. I'd have a country style kitchen with room to put up all my canned produce. SIGH. I shoulda been born a few decades ago. :D Perhaps I'll have a shot at that dream if we get to move to Oklahoma.

It's Monday and I'm still here!

2011-07-18T08:09:00.002-07:00

Spent a wonderful day with the family yesterday. It was rainy and rumbly outside so we stayed inside and had a family day. We played Yahtzee and video games. We watched a quilting show on PBS without sound and made up our own narration. We made sliders for dinner and then watched Inspector Gadget movie. The movie was bad but the company was great.

My sons "Bevy of Beauties" came to the door 3 times begging him to play. He chose us over them all day. I'm not sure whether he really enjoys the girls or not. Most days he looks for excuses not to go and play with them, but then there is the rare occasion where he goes and genuinely has a good time. If he isn't playing with them he's wondering when they'll come knocking. It's an interesting situation.

Hope you have a great Monday!

Now that's just sad.

2011-07-16T07:07:00.002-07:00

So last night I was perusing craigslist to see if there were any jobs I was interested in. I found a couple that might be a good fit. One of them asked to email them a resume. So I found a resume building site and got to work. It's just so sad. My resume is puny. I've been out of the workforce for a long time and my work history is rather short. It made me feel like a loser. I don't regret staying home with my children and I love being able to take care of everyone full time but when I wrote down my experience on a paper it was sort of jarring. Do I think I could do the jobs? Absolutely! They are right up my alley. It's just that on paper I don't look impressive at all. No place to add my experience with sick children, or the fact that I can check homework and make dinner at the same time. *SIGH*

Update

2011-07-15T13:49:00.002-07:00

Well, it's a little dusty around here but I'll see what I can do to tidy up. Hee hee!

Last time I posted it was about having a first grader and a freshman. Wow it's been a while. My kids are now going into 2nd and 10th grade. I can't believe how the time is flying. We're still in our apt which will be our home for at least another year. I hate apartment living but it serves a good purpose for us so I guess we'll just have to suck it up and deal with it a little longer.

My son waffles on whether he likes school or not. He HATES to get up on school days, his alarm goes off just before 7. On his days off however he is up by 7 bright eyed and ready to go! Funny how that works. I think over all he likes school, he just doesn't like how much of his day it eats up! He's doing really well so I'm a happy mom.

My daughter has done extremely well in the transition to H.S. She got nearly straight A's and has a new best friend. She is taking all honors classes this year and managed to be chosen to be apart of the Art Academy. I'm so proud of her.

My husband got that promotion he was after. It worked out really well for us. He gets to stay where he is until they open a new store where he wants to go. Keeps my kids in the same school a little longer and eliminates one move for us. I couldn't be happier.

As for me, well I'm doing the same ole thing. Still a stay at home mom though I'm feeling a little less needed around here. With both kids in school my days are a little emptier than they used to be. Some days I think I want to get a part time job to bring in some extra money and other days I can't even entertain the idea of upsetting our routine. It's nice to be off when my husband is off and be free whenever anyone needs me for meetings, to deliver keys, or to pick them up when they are sick. I'm not sure what will happen on that front. We'll see how I feel when the kids are back in school.

My honey and I are still very much in love. I can't imagine my world without him. Next month we'll celebrate 17 years of marriage. I've been with this man for nearly half of my life!

So that's us in a nutshell right now.

Thanks for swinging by to see me!

Goodness!

2011-07-14T07:07:00.002-07:00

It's been ages since I've come here. I've been missing some of the people I had connected with so long ago. Some I still talk to and it's been 7 years now! Perhaps....Perhaps I can breathe some new life into this old blog. We'll see.

First grader and freshman!

2010-08-14T12:40:00.002-07:00

Thursday was the first day of school for my kids. In preparation for this day I checked the school website to find out when their buses would run and where they'd be picked up this year. The site wasn't working right so I called the transportation office. The lady informed me that the High School bus would pick my daughter up at 6:38 in the morning. WOW! That's early right? She also told me what she had to get the site to work for my address. I checked it out on my own computer to confirm what she told me and make sure there weren't any changes. THEN the day before school I called the bus driver to make doubly sure. OVERKILL? Perhaps. It's the first time we needed the high school bus so I wanted to make sure. The bus driver sorta made me feel like a dork. He seemed surprised by my call, but he told me that he had no changes to his route.

Fast forward to the first day of school. My baby girl gets ready and heads out into the breaking dawn to catch her bus. She was early for extra precaution. A little after 7 I hear her pounding on the front door. "MOM, the bus had already left before I got there. Some lady told me the bus comes at 6:05!" High school starts at 7:15am. We grab my sons breakfast and throw everyone in the car. I race to her school and we are very close to the tardy bell. A fella there assures me that they are giving a grace period for all the new freshmen. WHEW! We say good bye and rush home. Hoping to make it before my Son's bus gets there.

We get home and see another little girl that rides his bus at the end of our road. We must have made it! I get my little guy some more juice cuz the muffin he had in the car has left him parched. We go to the bus stop only to hear the little girls mom holler to us..."The bus just went by before you pulled in!" My sons bus was also earlier than the transportation office said it would be! We jumped back into the car and race to the elementary school. He made it on time as well.

Put in some calls. The bus driver said, "Yeah, the website is wrong." WHY couldn't he tell me that when I called the day before? UGH.

Day two was much better.

Dreams

2010-08-04T15:01:00.003-07:00

I had a dream that I found some money. I took the money and used it to do good things for my family. THEN I found out that the money was stolen. The police were coming to take me to jail. I decided that I was going to run from the law. In my dream my husband was not pleased with my decision. He said that I needed to turn myself in. I didn't listen. I went on the lamb.

After being gone only a little while I decided that that wasn't the sort of life I wanted. I would face the music. I went back to our town and found two grizzled old lawmen waiting for me in a Starbucks. They said they knew I'd be back. They said that because I came back they would allow me to say goodbye to my family.

My family and friends were called and they converged on the Starbucks. My daughter only cared about whether she was going to make it to her girl scout meeting on time or not. (She has never been in girl scouts.) My son stayed at my side, but I gave him no choice. My husband was a social butterfly, flitting about and talking to all the "guests". I finally stopped him and said, "You realize I only have an hour before they are taking me away right?" He said, "NO. I thought you had two." AS IF that makes a difference! I was so distraught!

Anyway, I woke up before I went to jail. Yay for me.

Anxiety!

2010-07-25T06:26:00.002-07:00

I woke up this morning from a bad dream.

The first day I could hear the bus coming, my son was no where near ready to go. I let the bus pass and drove him to school when he was dressed, fed, and ready.

On day two he was close to being ready, so I hailed the bus and she waited for him. WHEW!

Day three. I heard the bus coming and I was putting on MY shoes to walk my boy out to the bus stop when I realized he wasn't awake yet! I went out to talk to the bus driver and when I stepped onto the bus so she could hear me, she shut the door and started driving! As if I was one of the kids she was picking up! I sat down and waited till she stopped at the next stop and got off to run home to my boy who was all alone in my house. When I got home I got him ready and drove him to school. Of course he was late. When I went to the office to sign him in the secretary gave me a stern talking to.

You'd think back to school fears would be over when you have been out of school for nearly 20 years!

Long time no see.

2010-07-15T05:22:00.003-07:00

Again it's been a while. We went away on vacation at the end of June/beginning of July. It was lovely to see all our family.

I seem to be coming down from all the fuzzy feelings though. I spent the day feeling sad. Feeling like we are just drifting, waiting for other people to decide our future. Once again we are waiting for my husbands company to tell us where we will be living. We hear rumbles and whispers. Nothing has happened yet though. Going home just showed me that everyone else seems to have what I want. A place to put down roots.

I just want to be settled. I want to be part of a community, a church, and a neighborhood. I know, I know, I could do that here. I know that in my head. It's my heart that won't let me get to invested here. It broke my heart to leave my house and neighbors when we moved. I believed we'd be there for a long, long time. I let my guard down.

There is a possibility that we could stay here. That my husbands job will promote him here. He's not the only one up for it though. So I can't say it will happen for sure. I just hate indecision. I hate being up in the air. I hate waiting for others to decide our fate. I just want to be settled. Is that so much to ask?

Tree

2010-06-07T21:04:00.002-07:00

I'm a little frustrated right now. I've decided to try to fill in my family tree. On my mothers side I can get to my great grandparents. Not terribly far back but it's a start. On my fathers side I have....well....I have my father. I never met his father, I found out his name but have no other information. The woman I have known as my grandmother apparently doesn't have any BLOOD ties to me. (It doesn't mean I don't love her, she's all I've known but it's a bit of a blow.) It seems my biological grandmother walked away from my dad. Don't know why. He has never spoken about it. Don't know her name. Don't know anything about her. *sigh* I asked my mother for the date of her marriage to my father and she couldn't remember it. She has told me the story of the day they wed but I never got a date. Up till now I didn't ask because I had the feeling it would make people sad or upset them some how. I think I have to stop that. I want to know about my family...

I feel kinda weird about all this. I have been near tears tonight trying to track down info. Nothing has changed in my life but I feel like there is now a gaping hole in my family line. Never missed it before. I do now though.

All is well

2010-05-31T10:31:00.002-07:00

School is out now. I have me little lovies home all day with me. We've hit the pool a couple of times already. I think we'll spend quite a bit of time there this summer. We're planning a vacation back home to Colorado this summer. The pool time will help my tan look fantastic! Hee hee!

Just started working out with the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred DVD. OY! My arms and legs feel like noodles! I have to be careful coming down our stairs because I'm afraid my legs will give out! Yeah, I'm out of shape. Since we moved here I don't get all the exercise I used to. It's amazing how many calories you can burn doing yard work! We used to walk a mile long loop a couple of times most nights as well. We walk here sometimes....and I have no clue how far it is. Not alot of sidewalks around here so we're a little limited to our routes. I'm workin on it though. My swim suit bottoms were a bit tighter this year than they were last summer so I gotta get in gear!

Mourning

2010-05-20T08:40:00.003-07:00

I'm in mourning...for my blog. This used to be a place where I had so much fun. A place for creativity. Interactive fun. Ranting. Just random junk. Now it's just a place where I whine about my health or whatever. I need to find that spark. The spark that made me come here FIRST everyday.

Even though my readership has dwindled I cannot seem to pull the plug on this place. I miss the bloggers I no longer see. I miss the ones who are still around but who are just to busy to come around anymore. I SHOULD go out and find some new blog friends but....I don't.

I tried starting a new blog about cooking. I enjoy it but find that it is a lot of work. I haven't given up on it yet but....sigh.....

I need to get that spark.......where has it gone.. Why do I keep putting in so many periods in a row....

WHEW!

2010-05-18T08:00:00.002-07:00

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist. He reviewed my latest ultrasound and it seems that the nodules are still there BUT they are smaller. YAY! We would be concerned if they were growing or dark or had their own blood supply. The ultrasound results paired with the few cells that they were able to test from my biopsy indicate it isn't cancer. I have to go back in a year for another ultrasound just to keep track of it...It is quite a relief. I had been telling my husband that I thought they were still there and that they weren't serious but it was nice to have confirmation.

School is winding up. Lots of last minute things for the schools to squeeze in. This week there is a bowling trip, two awards ceremonies, a dance, and a fun day. WHEW! I can't believe my daughter is going into high school next year. I'm gonna have a fffffffffreshman and a fffffffffirst grader!

I was supposed to be a chaperon for the bowling trip this morning. Silly me decided to shave my legs on Sunday morning and tweaked my back. ARG! I don't seem to be able to catch a break! Today I'm more upright than yesterday but I'm walkin' like a weeble. The awards ceremonies are the most important thing on my schedule this week so I gotta let my back heal so I can go! I'm so proud of my babies!

2010-05-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day!

Huh?

2010-05-04T06:13:00.002-07:00

I've been seeing a commercial on TV this morning talking about buying gifts for your "other mothers". Now I agree that there can be women that we look up to as a mother. Women who can slip into that role very easily and become like a mother to us. The are special. HOWEVER. In this commercial there is a little girl talking about her big sister, her aunts, her moms best friend. HUH? It makes me crabby to be honest. All those women are her mothers? So now we are supposed to buy all the women in our lives MOTHERS DAY presents? Kinda makes me feel like my role isn't as significant if all the women in my kids lives should be acknowledged on my big day.

Maybe I am just being selfish. It's how I feel though so PFFT!

Have a great Tuesday!

Nuttin

2010-05-02T07:38:00.002-07:00

I had to cancel my appt with the thyroid doctor so that I could make another appt my family doctor made for me. I figured it would be easy to find out the results of my ultrasound but I was wrong. I have been calling since the 13th of this month. First they said he hasn't reviewed them yet and he usually does that right before the appt. BAH. Then I explained that I was cancelling the appt but was hoping he could just give me a quick call telling me if the nodules were still there or gone. They said they'd leave a message in my file and move it higher in his stack. Yeah right. I had the test done on the 7th of April and I still don't know what's going on. They DID try to call me back last Friday but we had already left for a weekend get a way. It seems my answering machine was full so I didn't get the message.

On the upside we had a fabulous visit with my mom and dad in Texas! I got to see my sister and her new family as well. It was wonderful. It had nearly been a year since I had seen them last. Happy happy joy joy!

Again

2010-04-06T06:10:00.002-07:00

I go in for another ultrasound on Wednesday. I guess we'll find out if my nodule has disappeared on it's own or if my doctor was looking in the wrong spot and didn't bother to try again. WE'LL SEE!

Life is good! Uneventful isn't a bad thing, just not interesting to read about. *grin* Kids are in school doing well, and making me proud. My husband is working hard and still the best man I've ever known. No controversy, no drama, and no worries. I'm not even concerned with the ultrasound or it's findings at this point.

Sorry I haven't been around more. I'm a bad blogger buddy. I still check on you though, I'm not gone. I'll try to do better.

thinking

2010-03-11T09:45:00.003-07:00

I'm thinking and thinking...I have nothing huge to post. So I'm grasping here...

Had to call the courtesy officer on my neighbors. They decided to have a knock down drag out in the middle of the night so I called. The officer came out and must have seen the evidence of violence cuz he called in the police department. They told one of them to leave for the night but early the next day I saw their vehicle parked on the opposite side of the parking lot. They think they are sneaky.

My ankle still hurts from the day I passed out. Now it's feeling tingly and "sleepy". I am afraid it's gonna give out on me. The ER doc told me the day I did it that it didn't FEEL broken but that they could x ray it if I wanted....All I was seeing at the time was dollar signs and I declined...Wish I wouldn't have turned it down now...OH WELL!

Called my doctors office to see if he thought I should come in and have him check it out. He said he wouldn't know what to do about the numbness. That would be orthopedics....So he farms me out for my thyroid, farms me out for my ankle, and doesn't go to hospitals.....Tell me why I have him as a doctor?

My daughter got her first B of the year. While I am not disappointed in her at all, SHE is disappointed because her streak of straight A's is broken. The class? Art. Of all the classes she gets a B in, it's ART. She was so angry when she got her report card. Sweet girl. I'm proud of her..

Aidan has big boys tormenting him on the bus. Unzipping the pockets on his backpack and stealing his award tickets. Mama wants to climb up in their little snotty faces and read them the riot act, but will refrain and instruct my boy in how to prevent them from doing it any more. Stinky ole big boys.

Rumblings at CCB's job. Talk of things getting shaken up. New opportunities opening up. Just enough info to keep us guessing. Nothing to actually plan around. UGH. I don't like indecision!

Well there ya go. Have a great day!

UPDATE! Sent a note to my daughters art teacher. Turns out she neglected to enter the grade from one of my daughters projects into her computer. Her grade is now back to 100% and her string of straight A's continues! I'm glad we didn't just let it be. She'd have been ripped off!

Relief?

2010-03-02T14:05:00.002-07:00

I went in to my biopsy appointment full of dread. I don't like the procedure very much. We needed answers though so it was necessary. I signed the release papers allowing them to stick their needles in my neck. Let them take my blood pressure. Was lead into the room where they would do the procedure. The nurse apologized countless times about the fact that I had to return to have this done. "This doesn't happen very often, I'm sorry we have to do this again." she said.

The doctor came in and fired up the ultrasound machine. Lubed up my throat and began looking for the nodule. "Power up." he said. The red appeared on the grainy gray screen. "Power down", it disappeared. He explained that the red showed us blood flow. He continued to move the hand piece around my neck.

Long story short? HA! NOW she says she'll make the story short! I know you are thinking it. It's OK. Here it goes. He couldn't find the nodule. YES you read me correctly. He couldn't find the darn thing. He says it could have been inflammation. Perhaps that's why he wasn't able to get many cells last time. The cells they did get were good, it's just that there wasn't as many as they'd like to have.

Am I jumping for joy? A little. I'm guarded. The doc left the room to check and see if records had been received from the very VERY first ultrasound that was done. When he came back he said "it was lower". LOWER? I wondered if he had been looking in the right place. I thought it was lower, but he's the doc. He told me he felt confident that I was ok. He asked me to have another ultrasound done in April on the same machine that they got the original shots of my nodule on(not his machine). He said that machines vary.

So I'm sorta happy. I just want no questions ya know? Sorta happy is good. I'm not dreading anything now. That's a plus.

Stress

2010-02-26T14:35:00.003-07:00

I have been fighting what I think are tension headaches most of the week now. The first day it was so bad I barfed all morning. Today it's not so bad but my neck and shoulders are so tight! I simply can not make them relax. I find myself clenching my jaw for no reason. Today.....Today is the kicker. I can't stop shoveling food in my face. I'm eating things I gave up ages ago when I was trying to lose weight. That's what clued me in. I think it's all due to stress. No matter how much I try to blow off what's going on with me. No matter how I laugh it off. It's taking it's toll on me. I need answers.

I go in for the second biopsy on Monday. Not looking forward to the procedure, because I know what's in store, but I want it over with.

See ya on the flip side.

AGAIN

2010-02-13T06:47:00.002-07:00

The doctors office called me on Thursday. It seems that even with the extra jab. Even with the larger needle, they weren't able to get enough cells to determine whether that nodule is bad news or not. They want me to come in and get it done all over again.

The first time the procedure was a mystery. I didn't know what I was in for. This time I know. I'm NOT looking forward to it. It's really hard to describe the feeling. It doesn't feel like your getting stuck with needles. It's like a lot of pressure. Then you have the nerves zapping your ears.

Knocked me for a loop. I'm trying to shake off the funk. I just want this whole thing to be over with. I expected to have a plan of attack after that call. Either their gonna tell me I'm A ok and I'm good to go. Or they would tell me it was cancer and tell me what we're gonna do about it. Instead. I got nothin'.

uncomfortable

2010-02-07T08:23:00.002-07:00

Last Wednesday I went in to have the biopsy done on my thyroid. For the first time in ages my blood pressure registered normal! Probably because I was stressed out and it was elevated from it's regular place. LOL! The nurse explains the procedure and gave me a choice of a spray that they would use on my neck to help numb it for the needles or a shot of lydocane. She said if I was freaked out about it I should choose the shot. I told her I thought the spray would be fine. I get blood drawn on the regular basis. Needles aren't too scary to me. She finished my preliminary stuff and took me to the procedure room. She returned moments later to tell me that the nodule he wants to check is deep and that I should have lydocane. Yeah.....Now I'm thinking that's a good idea.

The doc came in and shook my hand and turned to my husband who was wearing a UCLA sweatshirt. Right away they start talking football and chatting up a storm. All the while I'm laying there with my head tipped back exposing my neck for a pin cushion. CCB said he was glad the doc did that because it put him at ease. UH....I'm the one who needed to be put at ease!

They get started with the procedure and get the ultrasound going so he can see where he's poking. He points out these two quivering dark spots and tells me that is my artery, that is what keeps you alive he says.....I didn't need that tidbit...He was getting ready to skewer me and I didn't want to know how close he was to my artery! You know what I mean?!

The lydocane shot hurt. I don't know that it was so much the shot as it was WHERE it was going in. He waited a few minutes swirled the ultrasound around me neck some more then got to poking. It was SO weird. It hurt not extreme but it hurt. Then there was this pinchy feeling near my ear. The nurse explained that was because of all the nerves in my neck. He poked once,twice and then the much awaited third time. THEN he decides he didn't get enough cells on the third poke and that he needs to do it again, only with a larger needle. UGH. Didn't like that fourth poke but hopefully it keeps me from having to do this again.

Now I wait. They said the results should be back in about a week. And that if I don't hear from them by next Friday to call. He also asked me to come back the following morning to have more blood tests done. One was cortisol test and the others weren't so easy to decipher from the lab orders.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate waiting? Even though I feel confident that I don't have cancer, this waiting gives me time to mull over all the possibilities. I don't really like that. *SIGH*

The REST of the story

2010-02-02T14:44:00.003-07:00

I was getting antsy and ready to leave the hospital. I had counted the minutes till visiting hours started, knowing that CCB couldn't get there till after the kids were on their way to school. They brought me a salty breakfast of a ham and cheese omelet and bacon. CCB got there and we waited...Finally I asked the nurse if I would be able to leave that day or not. She explained that she didn't have any orders yet and that I'd have to wait for the doc to come by and see me. UGH.

Well sitting in that bed for twenty four hours had taken it's toll on my neck and back. (I don't care if those beds are adjustable I couldn't get comfortable.) My neck was hurting and it was giving me a headache. The headache was in turn making me sick to my stomach. I was hoping and praying that the doctor would arrive soon so I could get out of there before things got worse. The doc finally came and told me that he'd send me home even though the results from the echo cardiogram wasn't back yet. YAY!

The nurse came in and removed my IV and diconnected the heart monitoring thingy. She explained that they were getting a new patient and that she was trying to get me checked out because when the new patient came in THEY would be the priority and I would have to wait longer. Then she then told me I could get dressed. I'm standing between my bed and the sink when the first wave hit me. I couldn't hold it back so I barfed in the sink. Now barfing isn't particularly funny but our reaction to it was. CCB grabbed some rubber gloves and cleaned out what I couldn't wash down the sink. I finished getting dressed. Some more time passed and another wave of nausea came over me. I made it to the bathroom this time and was heaving up a storm. I was doing my best to barf in silence when I heard a rap at the door. The door opened and it was my nurse. I had to stop in mid heave so she wouldn't hear me. She needed my signature so I got myself together and signed her papers. We were on our way. Just needed to get a wheel chair to wheel me down to the car.

We were so desperate to keep my barfing from them. Neither of us wanted me to stay any longer. I knew it was related to my headache. I held it together till we were in the car and pulling away from the curb. That's when I grabbed a plastic bag dumped it's contents and barfed till there was nothing left.

I got home, took an Excedrin migraine, and had a nap. I woke up a new woman. A new woman who was happy to be home

WOW

2010-01-29T08:32:00.002-07:00

I had an interesting incident this week. I say interesting, my husband says scary. We had gone to lunch on Tuesday afternoon. When we were done with our meal we got ready to go and I noticed my foot was asleep. I gave it a shake and figured that even though it was asleep it would still work but might feel funny. WRONG. I took a step and my foot was like dead weight. It sorta rolled and when my weight shifted to that foot it was on it's side. OUCH! I sat down on the other side of the booth that we had occupied and was trying to give it a moment to recover.

That's when the sweat started. I got light headed. I could hear CCB talking to me but it seemed I had cotton in my ears. I struggled to keep his face in focus. I remember he kept telling me to stay with him. Not to go to sleep. HE says that at that point I told him "let's go." We stood up to leave and then I just crumpled. I don't remember this or the conversation immediately after. I opened my eyes and saw people staring at me. I asked why people were looking at me. HOW RUDE! Then I realized we weren't in the booth we had eaten at. I asked what happened. That's when the paramedics rolled up. They took my blood sugars....NORMAL. They took my blood pressure....not normal. 70/40. NOT GOOD.

They were taking care of me when the restaurant manager came to CCB. Making sure he signed off on their liability I'm sure...While he was away I asked if I HAD to go to the ER. They said I didn't have to but they recommended it. CCB came back before that conversation was over and insisted on me going. I had to go but I did talk them out of the stretcher. I couldn't handle anymore humiliation in front of these people.

In the Er they ran tests. Blood tests were normal...CT scan of my brain normal....It was my low blood pressure that concerned them. I asked if I could go home....NO. They wanted to keep me for observation....UGH.

It was quite a long 24 hours. I'm home now. Still don't know the results of the heart ultrasound but the doc decided not to make me wait. Turns out I was dehydrated. It could very well have played a part. Who knows. Important part is....I'm home with my family.

(Getting discharged is a whole other story. I'll share that later! :) )

Eh

2010-01-27T08:24:00.003-07:00

I found out yesterday that they do indeed want to do a biopsy of one of the nodules on my thyroid. Dr. said it was suspicious. For some reason it has thrown me for a loop. I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like anything has really changed. It was always a possibility. Odds of it being benign are still quite high. If it's not then they'll probably just cut it out. Up my meds for the rest of my life.

So why has it affected me this way? I think part of it is that I was just so sure that it was nothing. So sure that he'd tell me it wasn't a big deal. He still might. Just not yet. I think the waiting is driving me mad. I was supposed to go in this Friday. Then I got a call from the receptionist telling me that they won't be in the office on Friday. She then rescheduled my appt. for the 8th of February. THEN I finally got through to the nurse to double check as to whether I actually needed to come in or if they doc read the test results and neglected to cancel my appt. She said I did indeed need to come in and said that the appt the receptionist had scheduled wouldn't work. She moved me up to the 3rd. It's a little better. I just hate to wait. I've been waiting for so long already. UGH.

What a pain in the neck. Literally.

YEAR

2010-01-19T10:10:00.002-07:00

It was about this time last year that my husband lost his job. Last night as I tried to drift off to sleep that that the date registered with me. I was flooded with emotion. I remembered the fear that gripped me when CCB mustered the courage to tell me. He couldn't even meet my eyes. He was so ashamed. He had never lost a job before. We had always lined another up before we left the old one. This was uncharted territory. We had a mortgage and children to feed. I was terrified.

It's been a year. My husband found another job. We sold our home. We moved to a new town in order to get this new job. I left friends behind. I left a sense of security behind. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable again. Always waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under us now. It's irrational maybe but it sticks with me. On the other hand. We made it through! We learned a lot about ourselves. My husband's new job allows so much more time to be with our family. The paycheck is smaller but when you break it down by hours worked........he makes more. My children are in great schools and excelling. Life is good. Life is SO good.

The best revenge is living well isn't it?

Take that, old company that doesn't deserve to have your name roll off my lips let alone by typed on my keyboard! :P

Deflated

2010-01-16T14:14:00.003-07:00

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist this week. I was giddy all morning. I just knew I was going to get the answers we had been waiting for. We were going to know what, if anything, we had to do next.

WRONG.

I had to wait for a while before they took me to the exam room. They explained that they hadn't received my records from the other doctor yet. Which is annoying because they told me they'd be faxing over my info when they told me when my appointment was. *SIGH* The new doc started taking my medical history and doing a physical exam of my throat. That's when the medical records got there. I thought we were good to go.

NOPE.

The records had the results of the ultrasound and the iodine uptake test but there was still info missing. It had the size of the nodules. The one on the right lobe is about a 1/3 of an inch. That side is larger than the left. The left side had several nodules on it but they were much smaller. I was impressed that he'd already come to that conclusion with his examination. The info that he was looking for was whether the nodules were hot or cold. A very important piece of information. It helps to determine whether they could be cancerous or not.

SO.....

He set me up an appointment for 2 weeks. In the mean time he's sending for the DVD of my tests so he can get the info he needs. IF things look OK. He will cancel my appointment. IF things are not quite on the up and up I will keep the appointment and get a biopsy of my thyroid. I'm so tired of waiting.

I was quite deflated when we got home. I had lost all my optimism. I'm happy to say that I have found it again. I think I'm seeing the right doctor and I think we'll get this resolved soon.

Thanks for stickin' around. :)

Whattaya think?

2010-01-07T10:06:00.002-07:00

I have seen a couple of people on TV lately advising us to get rid of the people in our lives that bring us down. On one level I believe that is good advice. If someone just drains me why should I keep them close? Right? On the other hand I have tried to do this a couple of times. In the end I feel guilty and let them back in. Usually to be disappointed that things go back to the way they were when I wanted them gone!

Whattaya think? SHOULD you ditch people who drain you emotionally? Bring you down? You are wise, I want to know your opinion.

Good bye 2009

2010-01-03T12:06:00.003-07:00

and good riddance!

Lots of bad things back in 2009. Out of the turmoil we've come out stronger. We've come out closer to one another. We made it through.

Bring it on 2010! I'm ready.

WHEW!

2009-12-30T12:15:00.002-07:00

This has probably been one of my favorite Christmas in recent memory. Not because of any special gifts or any "thing". This Christmas my CCB was able to spend lots of time with us. Usually I'm on my own to set the scene and do the holiday stuff because he's off working. Not this year. This year he didn't have to work extra days....No extra hours....Just the normal work week. It's been incredible. We took the kids to see a festival of lights...We got to see a movie together...We snuggled in to watch our favorite Christmas movies on DVD....:) I wish I could type a contented grin on here. Because that's what I'm sporting...

I hope you all had a terrific Christmas. I hope you have a safe New years eve and a fabulous New Year!

I did all that for what?

2009-12-17T07:10:00.002-07:00

So this week I had my thyroid scan. I went in on Monday and took their little tracer pill. I returned on Tuesday to do the scan. My doc called on Wednesday to tell me that I have a multi nodular goiter. Sounds nice right? I bet it makes you think I have some nasty lump stickin' out of my neck huh? Na. It's not like that. You can't see it. I can't feel it. The thing that makes me cranky is that we knew that before I had the test! Why did we bother? Oh I'm sure there is a reason but it makes me cranky none the less.

My doctor says that I need a specialist. An endocrinologist. I'm happy about the decision. I've been thinking that I needed an endocrinologist in my arsenal for a while. Originally for the PCOS but now for the thyroid as well. I just wish this wasn't dragging on so long. It's taking a toll on my beloved CCB. He scared. The nodules could be nothing or they could be cancerous and plenty of things in between. Just throwing CANCER into the mix makes this a little more sobering. He feels helpless. Nothing he can do for me. SO he spends his time pampering and hovering over me. It's against my nature but I'm letting him. It's usually me who does those things but I think he needs it. So I'll suck it up. *wink*

All his loving acts are so humbling to me. It often brings tears to my eyes. I know if it was him I'd be scared. I however, have a peace about all this. I was scared. Until I was laying there having the scan done. The room was silent. I had nothing to do.....but pray. I feel upbeat and confident now. I don't know what they will find but I feel like it's going to be ok. CCB isn't there yet, he's working through it. I'm hoping my positive outlook will rub off on him.

So Christmas is coming and nothing is going to ruin it for me. Let's just see if I can convince my husband to think my way. :)

And now we wait....some more.

2009-12-15T10:51:00.002-07:00

Had my thyroid scan today. Now we wait.

My daughter had a solo in the school chorus program last night. I was so proud! Then at bed time she came down crying. She was analyzing her performance and thought she didn't sing loud enough. Breaks my heart. I told her that if anyone gives her a hard time tell them that she didn't see them up there singing alone. There was one duet and two solos. So only a couple had the guts to go for it. BAH! Things can be so tough when you are in middle school.

:)
Have a great Tuesday.

Slowing down...as things speed up

2009-12-09T10:52:00.003-07:00

Christmas is always such a busy time of year. Lots to do. Funny thing is...(not funny ha ha) without my meds I get sluggish. I get forgetful. I call it droopy. So when I should be bustling around I would prefer to take a nap. I guess if those Christmas cards don't make it out in time I could call them Happy New Years Cards! :)

I hope you are doing well.

Stuff

2009-12-03T07:27:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving was great. I miss CCB's parents already. It's so nice to have them around. No in law jokes here.

My son had an abscessed tooth that we had to have removed the other day. He did fantastic and the pediatric dentist that did the work is wonderful. He actually called that night to make sure my boy was doing ok. I think we'll keep him.

My daughter made Honor Choir for our area. It's made up with kids from different schools. I'm proud of her. The thing that irks me a bit though is this.....She was required to try out for it. She didn't even want to take Chorus in school. She didn't get the elective she wanted she just got stuck there. If she didn't try out for the honor choir she'd get a zero for a grade. Now she has extra practicing and a performance to do. I'm happy she was chosen and I'm happy to shuttle her where she needs to go. I guess I just resent being FORCED to do it. They have also just scheduled two after school practices for a school performance. They are required as well. No show equals bad grade. I can pick her up it's not a big deal for me but I wonder about all those working parents who have to figure out how to get their kid when practice is over. Or the working mom who has to juggle things on short notice to make sure their child isn't sitting there alone. I don't know. It just irks me.

This is the first morning all week that I have been alone with no appointments or requirements. I think I'll go get some stuff done for the first time all week!

Have a terrific day!

Dis and dat.

2009-11-21T14:53:00.003-07:00

My husband I were out doing a little Christmas shopping on Friday when the cell phone rang. It was my doctors office telling me they had set up my iodine uptake test. When she asked if I had a pencil and paper I told her we were shopping and asked if I could call her back when we got home so I could write it on my calendar. She said she could do even better. If I would grant her permission she could leave the info on our answering machine. "That would be fantastic!" I tell her. So we finished our shopping had lunch and returned home. I gather my pencil and paper to write down all the info she left me on the answering machine. PLAY. "This message is for OGO. Please call Dr. Blah blah's office at this number." HUH? I gave her permission to leave the info on our machine. Oh well, I'll call and get it. I dialed them up and found out that they closed at noon on Friday! NOON! It was 1:15 in the afternoon! How was I supposed to get the info. I had questions! She knew they closed early! Why didn't she tell me? UGH. (They are so nice in the office though, I can't stay cranky with them.)

SO I called the place that was supposed to run the test. IT seems they had scheduled me for Tuesday and Wednesday. Which would work out great for me because my in laws are coming and it would free me up to get there. Well they neglected to tell the imaging place that I was on meds for my thyroid. Test cancelled. I have to be off the meds for THREE WEEKS! Three weeks people! I'm gonna be a tired girl! At least it's scheduled. It's far enough in advance I can work it out with my hubby to go with me. He was only going to be able to go to the part when I take the iodine not the pictures. So hopefully he'll be able to be there for that part now. Now we wait.

Did I mention that my mother and father in love are coming to visit for Thanksgiving? Well they are! I'm so excited to see them. They were such a comfort to us with all the crap we went through this year. It will be nice to give them a big hug and a thank you in person. They told me several years ago that where ever we are on Thanksgiving is where they will be. It meant the world to me then and still does now.

We usually decorate my house for Christmas after the thanksgiving dishes are done. This year though, our stuff is all PACKED in the storage unit. It took three big men to stack it as high and tight as they did in that storage unit and CCB wants nothing to do with taking that puzzle apart. So we used our 40% off coupon and bought a little 4 ft tree and some ornaments for it. It won't be the usual fare but at least will have a little festivity going on!

Just when I thought it was smooth sailing....

2009-11-18T10:32:00.002-07:00

I got the results from my thyroid ultra sound today. My doc called it a multi nodular goiter. Nice huh? Bet you picture me with bug eyes and a huge lump in my neck. Na. It's not like that. They use the term Goiter for any enlargement of the thyroid. They still haven't received my first set of ultrasound pictures and so they don't know if the nodules are bigger or not. I have to have another test. This one is a thyroid scan. From what I read they give me some radioactive iodine stuff then take pictures of my thyroid. From that they can tell whether the nodules are hot (over active) or cold (under active) we don't want cold ones. Cold ones can be cancerous. Cancer is only a small percentage but I don't even want to have the WORD in connection to me so ...yeah...

Started out thinking BAH it's nothing. At least we're being thorough. The longer I've thought about it I have to admit I'm nervous. Treatment for thyroid cancer is pretty easy from what I read but....yeah...still don't want it.

SO anyway......How's your morning been?

Nerves

2009-11-17T07:04:00.002-07:00

Still no word on my ultrasound results. I think I'll call today.

My boy got a cavity in one of his baby teeth. It's close to a nerve. It abscessed. SO they have to pull it. Because he's not supposed to lose that tooth till he's like eleven they have to put in a spacer. Our regular dentist wouldn't touch it. He sent us to a pediatric dentist. Who is wonderful by the way. Our insurance doesn't have him in our PPO so we have to pay upfront and get reimbursed. To the tune of 729.00. YAY. I'm hoping they will let me be in there to hold his hand he has no clue what he's in for.

My baby girl has to go and try out for a city wide chorus group. It's required for her choir class. The class she never wanted but got thrown into. If she doesn't go she gets a zero. I'm nervous for her! I'm sure she'll do fine but she's my baby!

My husbands parents are coming for Thanksgiving again this year. I love having that to look forward to each year. No jokes about mother in laws here. LOVE THEM! It will be a challenge hosting the meal in our smaller place but it's more about the company than the accommodations to me.

I hope you are all well.

results

2009-11-14T10:54:00.002-07:00

So I got my blood test results the othe day. Everything came back great. In fact my doctor said I have the blood work of a teenager! I think I like this new doctor! *wink* I was most pleased about my blood sugars. It seems losing the weight has really done the trick. I don't have pre-diabetes anymore! No anemia either. Blood counts were good. So I will just up my salt intake like the doc said and see if that helps the low blood pressure and my dizziness.

Had the ultrasound on my thyroid and I'm still waiting for the results from that. The tech said it would take 24 hours but I have a feeling they had to wait for my original test so they can compare the two. My old doc wasn't all that speedy with patients I don't see why it would be different with other offices.

I just wanted to say that if I can make changes and improve my health so drastically you can too. Even small changes can yield great things.

on track

2009-11-10T11:47:00.003-07:00

I've been taking the time to get my family back on track with Dr. visits and dentist visits now that we are settled and have insurance again. It seems like the appts just keep multiplying as I tick them off the list!

I had my appt the other day and he sent me off for blood work. I haven't got my results back yet. My husband had his done the same morning I did but his results came back the same night! Oh no not mine. I go in tomorrow to have an ultrasound done on my thyroid. I had one done last year and they found nodules on it. Nodules aren't all that uncommon they can come and go from what I have learned but we don't know what kind I have. Cancer isn't all that common but not unheard of either. Feeling a little antsy about this one. It's been in the back of my mind for months. I guess we will finally get to see what's happening in there.

Wish me luck!

LAME

2009-11-01T07:29:00.002-07:00

Is it just my area? Or is Halloween getting lame everywhere? So few people give out candy at home anymore. Designated trick or treat times....Curfews...We have opted for more organized things for our kids. The last couple of years it was harvest celebrations at church. This year we took the kids to a swanky shopping area for trick or treating. I figured they still get to dress up and get candy. I don't have to be so worried about the candy they bring home. WIN WIN.

Well lots of the places weren't giving out candy. OR they had "just run out". It was only an hour into it! One store "The backpacker" didn't have any candy. Instead they gave out stickers that said NORTH FACE on them. *SIGH* I know it probably sounds like I'm ungrateful here. But this was an organized event! The advertisements were sent out for the whole shopping center! How lame is it not to participate! It was a great opportunity for them to bring people in and make them want to come back to shop. Whatever dude. There were a few places that went all out and they were worth the walk.

OH and what happened to the chocolate? It's all plain candy! What's a girl got to do to get some chocolate in her kids Halloween bags? Not that I would swipe it or anything......Nothing like that!

Girls day

2009-10-27T06:46:00.002-07:00

Yesterday my daughter and I had a little girl time. We went and got her hair done, and shopped for "girly things". I had forgotten what it was like to shop without a five year old boy nagging me to leave. It was a lot of fun. I really think that it did us some good to just be mom and daughter for a bit. She's been going through some changes lately, and needed a little time with out any BOYS around. We sipped some over priced coffee and wandered around without any rushing. It was nice.

The boys on the other hand beat us to the store. They were there while we were getting my daughters hair done. They Beat us to the Starbucks. Where my son left his most prized possession. Grover. Grover is worn and tattered but he's very special. We were standing at the counter when my girl saw it. "Isn't that ours?" I snatched up with a sigh of relief. I didn't even know it was missing but I knew disaster had been averted. Later we met up with the boys for pizza. It was a great day.

Today we have parent teacher conferences for the boy and a dentist appt for the girl. Then the fun stuff. Pumpkin carving! I'm leaving my daughter on her own for hers. I LOVE to carve pumpkins but we always start with a crowd and ends with me carving on my own. Not this year!

Content

2009-10-25T06:50:00.002-07:00

I can't quite explain the way I have been feeling lately with any eloquent words. It all comes back to HAPPY. After a tough year we have finally put the last of the ugliness to rest. I am HAPPY. I haven't felt such complete bliss for quite some time. There has always been some threat or fire to be put out. I'm sure that more things will pop up to challenge us but for now I just want to enjoy it.

The thoughts of getting a job have gone out the window. With the way this company works my husbands schedule we actually get alone time. The kids are at school and it's just me and my guy. I can't give that up and CCB doesn't want to either. So for now I will search for things to keep me busy when he does have to work so that I can enjoy the days when he doesn't.

Both children have adapted beautifully to their new schools. Their grades are high. They have made friends, which is the thing I worried most about. It's not easy for my teenager to jump in there and make friends but she did.

Do you see? Finally things are peaceful. I can't stop smiling.

Try

2009-10-21T06:27:00.003-07:00

Ok, I have SO been neglecting this place. Just look at the cobwebs around here. I need to tidy up and get back on track. I see that I'm not alone. A lot of my faves aren't keeping up with their blogs like they used to. I suppose it's to be expected though. Life changes new responsibilities arise.

I've thought about giving up the blogging thing all together. I don't come around here as much as I used to. I used to post every day. I used to sign in to check for messages a billion times a day! Facebook seems to have filled that constant update need. It's fun! As Lorna has reminded me though it doesn't have the same emotion. The reason I haven't packed it all in here is because of YOU. The few that still come around are the very reason I don't leave. I feel this connection to you. A connection that I don't want to sever. Even though we haven't met in person we have peered into each others lives. I've read about the births of your children, the changing of jobs, surgeries and new homes. I have become invested in you. I want to hear about your triumphs I want to encourage you when you are low. I don't think I have been doing that very well lately.

I'm going to make a better effort. I'll try not to be discouraged by the people on my list who don't post anymore. I don't know that I'll look for new people but I don't want to lose the handful that are still around.

I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!

Good

2009-10-06T10:56:00.003-07:00

Life is good!

The house has sold. The weight is gone. I loved that home. I still have pangs imagining the new owners painting over my sons hand prints.....Changing things about it that I loved. Getting to have the neighbors I miss so much. The freedom makes these "pangs" short lived. We are free.

My daughter got straight A's for the first 6 week period. She's doing well in her new school. My son isn't complaining at all about going to kindergarten. It's not at all like it was trying to get him to preschool. He is doing great and enjoying it.

I'm thankful to all of you who have stuck with me through all my whining, crying and complaining. It's been a tough year for us, but being able to vent on here has been comforting. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

FREE

2009-10-01T12:59:00.003-07:00

I've finally gathered myself together and relaxed enough to write here what went down for our closing. It got a little hairy.

We were supposed to close on Monday but we had no appt time remember? Well we called Monday morning to see what time we were to be there but our agent didn't return our calls. We didn't know which title company it was with so we could only contact the agent. When she didn't reply in a timely manner we called her office. THEY tried to get a hold of her. They couldn't get her to respond to their calls either. They asked where we were closing in an effort to answer the question for us. We didn't hear from them so we called back. They had finally got her and said she should be calling us soon.

She finally called us and said 4:00 was the magic time. We were so excited! She told us that the title company wanted us to call them to get some last minute info and we hung up. When we called the title company they said they would call us back to tell us IF we could close that day. IF?! I told her that I was told we had an appointment for 4. She said they'd try but it depended on the buyers bank. They'd call us as soon as they know because we have to drive an hour and a half to get there. We wait till noon. We decide we are going one way or another because we had reserved a SUV so we could bring home the big pots and bird bath that was too big for my car. We pile in and take off. Before we even get out of the parking lot we get a call saying everything is a go. WE ARE FINALLY GONNA FINISH THIS!

WE get a little over an hour into our journey and the cell phone rings. This time it's the buyers lender. She said she was hoping they caught us in time because there has been a mix up. It seems that no one ordered the funds and so they wanted to reschedule. I explained that we were nearly there and asked if we could sign our share of the papers. She said she would check to see what our options were. (We have closed on houses 3 times prior to this two of those times we never saw the other party. Shouldn't be a big deal. We sold our last house and closed from out of state. No sweat right? UH NO. ) We get to town and load up the last of our stuff from the house and our agent calls. "You can sign over power of attorney and that person will sign for you when we reschedule." I don't know about you but that sort of creeps me out. It's a big deal to close on a house I kinda wanted to be there. We thought it over and were assured by the agent that it would be fine. We couldn't pull the kids out of school for a second day to drive back so we did it.

The next day we sat around waiting for what seemed like forever to find out that the closing was scheduled for 2:00. Two o'clock came and went. Three o'clock, four o'clock ticked by. We call to find out if it's done yet only to find out that "not all parties are here." YIKES! It turns out that the buyer didn't show. When our agent called to find out where they were he acted like he didn't know it was closing day. He told her he spent his down payment money and needed 2 more days till he could close. He had to have money sent to him from New York. WHAT?! My agent got tough with him. She told him that he didn't have 2 days he had 2 hours. She told him that he had been dragging us along for too long and this was it. 4:00 or no deal. (We were trying to get funds into the bank by the end of the month to save a big ding to our credit.) 4:15 he showed up and had 25,000 dollars in hand for his down payment. They finally finished up a little after 6pm. My agent told me later that the deal could have fallen through at the last minute because he got money from family. Lenders can pull the plug to verify where down payment money comes from. We were SO lucky they decided not too.

So it took a long time for the funds to get transferred to our title company on Wednesday the last day of Sept. It got a little too close to the wire for me but in the end the money made it in ON TIME and before the first of Oct. We made it.

This morning we got the check from the closing and we get the money from our escrow account in a couple of weeks. We are finally done. We are free! I was doing a happy dance when it cleared the bank and couldn't stop grinning. By bed time I was near tears because it had been such a long road to this point. It felt like we are finally closing that ugly chapter of our life. The first 8 months of this year have been one stressful situation to another. We are free to breathe now. It feels good.

DONE

2009-09-30T18:03:00.002-07:00

It's finally over! The house is no longer our problem. Closing was last night. It got a little hairy there for a while. I'll fill you in later I'm so giddy right now I can't sit still long enough to type.

Payment posted to our lender today. It's finally over.

For the first time in 8 months I'm not stressed. It feels wonderful.

Aggravation

2009-09-28T07:28:00.002-07:00

Got news that we would close on the house today. We got the call last Friday and we've been very excited about it. My agent called and said they wanted to close on FRIDAY but that was too short of notice for us to get there in time since we live an hour and a half away and my husband was at work. My agent said that she wanted to know if MONDAY would work for us. YES! We said. We'd make it work. Friday night I send her a message asking what time we need to be there. She didn't have an appt time. NO TIME! "I'll have to call them in the morning on Monday, will let you know." Is it just me or is that very unprofessional?! We have to rent a vehicle that's large enough to bring some the heavy pots I had in the back yard to our new place. They didn't make the cut when we were moving and they didn't fit in our car when we went back to clean. Our reservation was for 9am. It's now 9:30 and we haven't heard a peep from our agent. OH! We've called her. No reply. Did I mention that since we didn't have a time, we kept the kids home. We were afraid if we didn't take them we wouldn't be home in time to intercept their buses. My son gets home before my daughter and he's not old enough to stay alone. Yeah. Here we sit. Waiting for the call.....I should have sent them and then just picked them up when we had an appt. That would have been the smart thing to do.

I was so excited about the closing call that I forgot to call the doctors office to get the results from my sons test. The doctor said if I hadn't heard from them in the afternoon that I should call back. I remembered too late. The office was closed. SIGH. Their listing in the phone book said they were open on Saturday morning till noon. NOPE. No they aren't. So I called this morning 15 minutes after they opened. She told me she didn't have them. She'd call the lab and ask for them and then call me back. That was an hour and a half ago. I'm afraid they didn't turn them in. Why would I think this? Because when I showed up on Thursday morning with my little cup of pee the lady behind the desk acted puzzled by it. "Uh, you just want us to check it out then?" I wanted to tell her that I just go around dropping random urine samples off to see what they would do but instead I bit my tongue. Instead I told her that the doctor wanted to have some tests done on it. She put on her gloves and took it away.

I am so frustrated this morning! What happened to professionalism? Is it gone?

worry

2009-09-19T20:20:00.003-07:00

My little guy is having some sort of issue. Last night he had blood in his urine. He didn't have any pain but I can't tell you how unnerving it was to see the blood knowing where it came from. My first thought was a urinary tract infection except he had no pain. I did some online searches and found that little ones can have it without the same symptoms adults have. He told me that his tummy hurt two times at school but that was it. He said he didn't fall or get kicked or punched so I had to go with my gut.

We took him to the urgent care clinic this morning and they were a little puzzled by the lack of pain. Of course there was no blood in his urine sample this morning but they sent it off to see if there was any infection. It takes two days for that test. We won't find out till Monday if he has a UTI. In the mean time we are treating it as if that's the problem. He's on an antibiotic.

He has been bouncy and perky all day. Sorta made me forget that there was any problem. Till he passed more blood. It sounds bad but I'm hoping it's an infection because we are already on it. If it's a kidney stone he's in for some pain. I shudder to think of how bad that will be for him.

Don't know if this makes any sense or if my grammar is correct. Just wanted to get it out.

UPDATE We got the test results back yesterday. Nothing showed up in his culture. The nurse said to continue giving him the antibiotics because sometimes infections don't show up.....Don't know whether I should be happy about that or not. I don't WANT him to have an infection but now I don't know WHY he was passing blood.....

Waiting to exhale

2009-09-18T07:06:00.002-07:00

Can you believe we STILL haven't closed on our house? We put it on the market like 6 six months ago or so. We had several people try to get a loan to purchase it. Most of them failed. Had one man write a contract for it about 3 months ago and then the deal fell through. Little did we know he had switched lenders and tried again. This time the closing date was Sept 5th. That day has come and gone. We've signed an extension. Stress is high at this point. The fear that once again the lender won't follow through. It's getting scary.

Last night I got a message that the lender has called my agent. They are hoping to close next week. I still don't have an appointement but it's a ray of hope. PLEASE OH PLEASE let this deal go through.....

Feelin' crafty

2009-09-08T12:18:00.002-07:00

I decided I needed to find some project to work on. In my house I'd be out working in the yard or fixing or changing something in the house. Here, well, I don't have that option. So I decided I would go through my tote of left over yarn. I have some ancient stuff in there. Stuff I picked up on clearance ages ago, stuff that was left over from other projects and novelty stuff that I really didn't have plans for but I wanted to try it anyway. Lots of bits and pieces.

I found that it would be a bit of a challenge finding projects that I really WANTED to do with the small amounts of different colors I had. There was some that were full skeins and others that were truly just tidbits. So far I have crocheted two bucket hats for winter, two curly scarfs, and now I'm finishing up the handles of a "market bag". I've made a dent in that storage box of yarn. Any of you crafters have a cool pattern for scrap yarn to share?

Holding pattern.

2009-08-26T13:40:00.002-07:00

Nothing much new going on these days. The house appraised well and things are still moving but we don't have an appointment for the closing yet. I can't tell you what a load that will take off my mind. I loved that house but I've let it go. We'll be better off financially without it. This new job is great for my husband but the money is less for now. We did the right thing by putting it on the market.

The kids are back in school. My son has surprised me. He hated preschool and would beg me daily to let him stay home. Kindergarten? He only gives me slight resistance when his alarm first goes off. He complains he's too tired to get out of bed. Which is funny because his alarm only goes off 15 minutes earlier than he woke up on his own all summer! :) His teacher is great and I think that helps him enjoy this new experience. I went back and forth as to whether I'd let him ride the bus. I decided in the end that it would be good for both of us for him to ride. I don't want to smother my guy and steal an opportunity for him to feel big. Seeing his face when he gets off the bus was all the proof I needed that I did the right thing.

My girl has encountered a few more difficulties but none that we haven't been able to address. It's her first year at this school, first time with lockers and the dreaded combo lock. Talk about stress inducing. She missed the bus once and I had to go get her. She was so hard on herself. I could just feel the anxiety oozing from her. We've remedied the situation and we're moving on. Other than that I think I like her school. Her teachers seem good and they place high in the state stats for the standardized tests. That's good news.

I'm finding that I'm not as disoriented with my kids BOTH being gone. With CCB's schedule we get a lot of alone time that we haven't had in ages. Instead of date nights (we don't have a sitter we trust yet) we take our time during school hours. It works for me. I am content.

2009-08-20T11:12:00.002-07:00

Today is our 15th anniversary. I'm so happy to have found my CCB. He is handsome and kind. He has shown me more compassion and love than I can even begin to explain. I'm a lucky woman.

I love you CCB.

Dear neighbor ladies,

2009-08-14T19:29:00.002-07:00

I know you are trying to be discreet, but I see you. I see you look at me when you don't think I'm looking. I see the way you lean closer to talk to each other while keeping your eyes on me. I think it's funny that when you are by yourselves you smile and return my greeting. Whatever. You aren't fooling anyone.

FOUL!

2009-08-07T11:13:00.002-07:00

Wanna know what makes me mad? I'm gonna tell you anyway.

It makes me mad when you work hard to pay off two credit cards and the company that holds the cards sends you letters telling you that one of them they have decided to lower the limit on and the other they have decided to close. WHAT? They listed the same reasons for their actions in both letters. Saying that our balances went up to fast. Saying we didn't have ENOUGH cards open longer than 36 months. LIARS! I think the problem was that our balances went DOWN to fast. They didn't like they idea that they were no longer making money off us. FOUR credit cards older than 36 months old isn't ENOUGH? LIARS!

So for our effort they get to screw up the credit rating we have worked so hard to raise. By their actions our ratio of debt to available credit changed. I haven't seen how this has affected my credit score yet. WHY? Because when I went to log into the credit account that actually keeps me notified of my score, I was told that since I had no activity on that card (ONE MORE I PAID OFF!)they wouldn't allow me to access that info. FOUL!

NOT FAIR!

There. THAT'S what makes me mad. I'm done now. Carry on.

Things are looking up!

2009-08-05T07:48:00.002-07:00

Mr. Man who seemed to be dragging his feet never stopped his quest to purchase our house. It appears that the lender was making the troubles. Apparently he switched lenders without telling anyone. We thought he had given up and disappeared. BUT NO! This new lender worked it all out and called our agent yesterday and said he'd been approved! Today he is signing a new contract and giving her his earnest money. We are further along now than we ever were before! Fingers crossed! Saying our prayers! There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Let's hope it's not a train!

Something other than house talk.

2009-08-01T13:21:00.002-07:00

We had a lovely day yesterday. First we had to go to my daughters new school for orientation. It looks like the school will be easy to navigate. My daughter will have a locker for the first time ever, two as a matter of fact. We followed that up with grocery shopping. Lovely? No. However it was the first time in recent memory that my son did not nag us the entire time with "is it time to go home yet?" That can really get on your nerves when you have to stock up on food. It ended being very pleasant.

The best part? After the groceries were put away we went to the pool. We had the whole thing to ourselves! We played Marco polo and red light green light. The giggles were infectious. It may sound odd, but those two hours we spent at the pool completely made the fact that our morning was filled with obligations melt away. It felt like we had a day of nothing but fun. Weird, wonderful stuff.

Advice?

2009-07-27T16:16:00.002-07:00

My real estate agent called this afternoon with an idea. She said that the last lady she showed the house to wanted it. She went to apply for a loan (don't ask me why she didn't do that BEFORE she started looking.) and it seems that her credit score is 5 pts too low to get the loan. My agent talked to the banker and he said he had instructed the lady on how to bring it up those few points and said she could do it in 3 months. The lady called my agent to tell her she still wanted to be kept in the loop on my house so that if it was still available when she got the loan she could try to buy it then.

THE IDEA my agent had was to see if we'd be willing to allow this single mother (school teacher) of 3 to lease the house for the 3 months she needs to improve her score. At that point she could purchase the house. My agent says that if we draw up the contract NOW we have a little more protection than if we were to wait till the 3 months was done.

MY FEAR is that at the end of 3 months she will then decide she doesn't want the house and bail on us. Leaving us to start all over again with the selling process. I do not want to be a landlord. I do not want to be the one cleaning up any messes and damage that they may cause to this property if they go.

UPSIDE is that we don't pay the house note for the next 3 months and we have a buyer on the line. (IF all goes as planned.)

I think before we commit to this idea we need to put some fear in the Chinese fellow's heart. I think it should be made clear to him that the contract is up and that we have only allowed him to continue out of courtesy, we are not obligated to him any longer. If he wants the house he needs to move and move fast. Let him know that we have other offers on the table.

So what I am asking here is what is your take? I have never rented a place to anyone else. My dad has and I remember having to go in and clean and paint and fix stuff each time. Have any of you done something like this? Either side renter or landlord? I need some objective views. I know that home sellers are starting to take some more unconventional steps in this economy and while I was hoping we'd sneak through it may not be that way. I welcome your advice.

BACK

2009-07-23T11:47:00.003-07:00

Ok, well we're here. We've unpacked for the most part. Somethings just don't have a home. Not because we don't want them to mind you. There just isn't room. We went from a house that was 2008 square feet with a storage room shop and laundry room to a 13?? square foot place with a laundry CLOSET! Ha ha ha! I'm missing having my own closet the most I think. CCB's stuff has taken over the closet in our room. It makes me glad I got rid of all those clothes that were too big! I don't know where I would have put everything! The new place looks a little sad from the outside but the inside is bright and airy and very nice. I'm pleased. We'll be just fine here for the time being. CCB was really worried since he signed the lease without me ever having laid eyes on it in person. (I looked at them online though.) I felt good about our choice from the start.

I take the kids to get registered for school next Monday. That's right, kids. Plural. I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself! Oh don't get me wrong, I'll figure something out but it's gonna be weird at first. I guess I'll have to wait to find out the kindergarten schedule to decide what to fill my time with.

CCB is LOVING being so close. He has replaced his hour and a half drive each way with a 10 minute drive each way. Last night I planned dinner so it would be ready on his dinner break. We still had a family meal even though he was working late. LOVE IT!

I haven't ventured out much yet. Sorta busy tweaking things here. A little nervous because the check engine light came on in the car again. *SIGH* If it's not one thing it's another. CCB is taking the truck now but it needs some work done on it too. The plan was to trade in the truck for another vehicle after the sale of the house but......we're still waiting to sell the house!

My agent is still showing it. She told me that she got a call back the other day from the lady she showed it to when she got back from vacation. The lady said she wants my house but she's trying to sell her own house first. UGH. How many people have wanted my place but been unable to get financing or unload their own place......The Chinese fellow is still in the mix but he's on his way out if he doesn't get the paperwork in that he needs. We won't be bound by the contract if we get a better offer. It's nearly expired if it hasn't already and HIS bank has said they would write us a letter freeing us from the contract because of his sluggishness. I just wish he'd get a move on. HE wanted to move in quickly. So we honored his wishes and now we're gonna get squeezed by having to pay on both places.

I'm thinking positive though. For some reason I just have a feeling this will work out in the near future. I hope I'm right. :)

It's good to be back. I've missed you so!

Back in the loop

2009-07-20T19:11:00.002-07:00

We are moved. We FINALLY got internet service. The house isn't sold. A few interested parties but nothing solid. STILL have a contract with the Chinese fellow but he's not getting his paperwork in in a timely manner. He may get dumped. Don't know for sure yet. I'm gonna turn in so I'll post more later.

I've missed you!

Update

2009-07-09T07:41:00.002-07:00

Well my dad and brothers will be here tomorrow to help us move to the new place on Saturday. I'm so excited to see them. It will be the first time my dad will meet my son.

My real estate agent has started scheduling new showings because the guy we have a contract with isn't getting his paperwork in like he's supposed to. This is freakin' me out a little. We hurried to find a place to move to because this guy wanted a quick closing. We STILL don't have a closing date because he's missing paperwork! If this guy backs out we could get left paying on two places. That is one place more than I can afford! Most everyone I talk to says to move forward. Walk in faith and believe that things will work out. That's what we've decided to do. It's scary!

Someone is looking at our house tonight. I am doing what I can to make it look decent but considering there are boxes stacked everywhere it's tough! :) My agent said that lots of times people prefer that so they know they could move right in. We'll see.

We now have health insurance again. It is a relief to me. It's a non issue till you don't have it!

I've dyed my hair red. I stopped coloring it when I noticed greys popping up. I'm a weirdo I guess because I like them! After seeing my mom recently at my brothers wedding she expressed to me how much she liked my hair red. Then she said that I have the rest of my life to be grey and that I should live it up while I can still get away with it. My husband of course was all over joyed! He loves my hair red.

I better go find something to do. Perhaps that will stop those butterflies in my belly!

I can't wait till all this stuff has settled and you won't need to hear all my WHINING!

LIVID!

2009-07-02T09:19:00.002-07:00

So I am pouring myself a cup of coffee getting ready to attack my packing again when I hear a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone but figured it was my neighbor. I open the door to find two women and a young boy. One of the women is a real estate agent. She is there to show my house to a perspective buyer. She asks if I knew she was coming. I told her I had no idea. She then tells me that she understands that our house is under contract but that she was hoping we'd let her see the house as a back up to the contract. She says she's been emailing my agent who is on vacation AGAIN but that my agent hadn't replied. I don't know if they had already set it up and my agent didn't tell me or if she just didn't get the emails. My agent reassured me that even while she was on vacation she still took care of business that arises back home. I don't know what happened but I'm not happy.

My house was a mess! Each time we were showing the house I would spend a ton of time cleaning it. I wanted to make a good impression. Today, well today it was strewn with boxes. Clutter everywhere. My daughter was lounging on the sofa in her nightgown. My son was sitting on the toilet with the door open. (Don't ask.) I had dishes in the sink. My underwear was right on the TOP of my laundry basket! That may sound stupid to you but I always covered what clothes were in the basket with a towel or something. I was mortified to say the least. I felt so embarrassed.

Time to fire off an email to my agent. Let's see what she has to say.

Pity party

2009-06-30T14:33:00.004-07:00

I know I've neglected my blog. I've been sucked into the real time addiction of Facebook. So I'm not sure many people will read this. Which I suppose is for the best because I don't know if I will leave it up. The feelings are bubbling up inside me and I feel like I gotta get them out somehow.

This whole new job and moving thing really has me off balance. I try to be positive but I have moments of weakness. Today I feel like such a loser. I feel like by this time in our lives we should be settled in and comfortable, and we were! Then BLAMO we are sent reeling. Our finances obliterated. Our security gone. We are starting over. New company with lower pay. I'm leaving my lovely house to go to a much smaller apartment. My house is under contract but we have no closing date yet. I'm afraid that something is gonna happen and the deal will fall through. Then I'll be stuck paying for two places which we CANNOT do for long. I have to move my kids into a new school again. I just feel like a loser.

I know we aren't alone. I know that this sort of thing is happening all over the country these days. I feel for everyone who is dealing with it. I KNOW that there is good things coming out of this. I DO! I just don't feel it today.

Update

2009-06-26T09:19:00.002-07:00

Nothing new to report. Since I went all whiny on you the other day I thought it was only right to tell you I'm feeling better. Nothing was solved or hashed out. I'm pushing past it and focusing on more important stuff. I have a full plate I don't need the extra helping of crud. :)

My agent said that we're looking at MAYBE closing on the 20th of July. Don't know when that changed from the 10th. It looks like I'll be paying for TWO places in July. Got some great feedback about the place we're moving to though. It sounds peaceful.

Happy Friday!

shake it off

2009-06-24T13:03:00.002-07:00

Ever have a day when you feel like you could just burst into tears at any moment? Yeah, it's one of those days. A few people hurt my feelings yesterday and it upset me. Today it just seems to linger I guess. I hate the feeling and I've tried to shake it off. Tried to ignore it but it's still there. They probably haven't even given it a second thought and yet I sit here on the verge of tears.

I need to go bake.

On the edge

2009-06-19T13:58:00.002-07:00

We officially have a place to move TO! CCB put the deposit down today. We have an address and lots of info to go over. We've been told that the schools are excellent. YAY!

My agent has been having plenty of issues of her own. Car accident, grammy in the hospital, other family issues. I have been having trouble contacting her. Believe it or not we have most of our communication through Facebook. Interesting. Anyway. I'm hoping things are going well though I don't have confirmation. I had a pang of fear shoot through me last night. What if we put down the deposit THEN the contract on our house falls through? EEK! I don't even want to go there. LA LA LA LA moving on to something else.

I've been packing up non essentials. I'm hoping that if my sweet CCB keeps me in a steady stream of boxes it should be less hectic at the end of our time here. One of the things I liked about this house was that there was a place for everything. Even if I only needed that pot or platter once or twice a year it had an easily accessible home. Now I'm marking things that can go into storage so I don't waste time on them when we unpack. *sigh* I'm gonna miss this place.

BUT!!! My brothers are driving down from Missouri with a horse trailer and my dad is flying in from Colorado to help me move! I'm excited to see them. It's been ages. I can't believe they are going through all that trouble just for me. It makes me want to cry. I love them so.

Wednesday

2009-06-17T11:34:00.002-07:00

Today we're pretending it's Father's day. My sweet CCB has to work on the official day so we didn't want him to miss out. I had a great time "surprising" him with breakfast this morning. I had both kids in the kitchen helping me out. That is rare occurrence. Though it was so nice I may have to make a more regular deal.

Looking forward to being closer to CCB's job. We found a townhouse that is only 8 minutes away! We don't have to pay nearly as high a rent as we would if we lived in Lafayette but we are close enough to enjoy the stuff they have to offer. We are just waiting to hear if we get the place or not. It seems like it was meant to be because the other night while looking for a link to share with my cousin I found a bunch of reviews for the other place we were looking at. They said that even though they were new there was a lot of bad apples moving in there and it was not getting taken care of. SO I found this other place. We had actually seen it when CCB first got this job but we had to wait for the sale of the house. I called the next morning to see if the had a 3 bedroom and one was JUST coming available. The people haven't even left it yet. If I'd have called earlier or later it may not have been available! *GRIN* Must be that squeaky wheel huh, Lucy?

Boxes are proving to be elusive. My hubby is bringing them home but not in the quantity I'd like. Buying them is pricey and seems to be a waste for such a short period of time. I've found some free ones on craigslist but the people haven't replied to my email. Most places compact them now. I'm hoping to score some from the produce dept at Walmart. Wish me luck!

Since I've once again run out of boxes I decided to clean out the crap so I don't have to do it when I pack. I decided to check out this old file cabinet that we've had in the corner of the shop since we've been here. I though it was empty. OH NO! It had bank statements going back to 1989! Receipts from our wedding preparations and trinkets from my first baby shower! Quite a walk down memory lane I'll tell ya. My shredder over heated several times! It's not getting toted around anymore! Feels good to purge the crud!

Well it's off to lavish daddy with more love and adoration. It is his day and all.

sigh

2009-06-13T18:14:00.002-07:00

The car is in the shop. Gonna be 560.00 to repair it. We can't have it till Monday. That means my guy is driving a rental till then. WHOOPPEE! The upside?! It got him home safe and sound.

We went looking for a new place to live on Friday. The houses were disappointing. We ended up finding an apt we like though. Under our price limit and nearly new. Lot's of great features and it looks like we could get in there for next to nothing. CCB dropped off our application today.

It looks like my 2 younger brothers AND my dad are coming to help me with the move. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I feel like my relationship with my dad is being mended. One more good thing to come from all the turmoil this year.

My agent has been off the radar. She was supposed to come and let us sign the contract on Thursday. We left messages for her and haven't heard back from her. Till today. She had a family thing come up. I think I believe her but she gave WAY more detail than I was comfortable with. Sometimes people do that to make it seem more real.....Don't know. Bottom line is she has apologized and we are set to sign on Monday.

Till then, I'm purging my house. Getting rid of things that I don't want to keep or to store. We are seriously downsizing to get into this apt space. Luckily we can rent a garage on the property to use for storage.

I'm optimistic. Even though we keep having issues. We are still standing and still moving forward. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Contract

2009-06-11T08:13:00.002-07:00

So this couple has signed a contract to buy our house. We are supposed to sign the papers this evening. I have conflicting emotions and I probably will for a while. It just still seems so unfair that some creepy man at CCB's old job set all this in motion. I'm trying to get past all that really I am. I'm trying to be upbeat and positive, I just slip sometimes.

Truth is that by moving closer we'll have more time with my honey. We will gain 3 more hours of time with him each day. On top of that selling this house will put us within reach of being debt free. I'm determined to get rid of all our credit card debt and we are so close I can taste it! I've been checking online and I've found several places of interest I'm hoping to schedule a visit to them for tomorrow. We'll see. The buyers are anxious to move in so I don't want to stall this whole operation by not finding a place to move too. Another plus is that my 2 younger brothers have pledged their help and big trailers to help us move. They will plan on driving from Missouri to do this. It seems extreme to me but CCB says if they want to do it I should not discourage them.

Wanna hear something ironic? When we moved here we found that our old bank wasn't in this area of the country. SO we switched to Chase. Well Chase isn't in our town but it was close to CCB's job. Guess who is remodeling a building in our little town. Now that we are leaving?! Chase. OH and it gets better! My family LOVES Chinese food. LOVES it. The only good place we've found was in the next town over so we had to go out of our way to get it and it's only carry out so it was a pain. The people who want to buy my house are also opening a Chinese restaurant within walking distance of this house. WALKING DISTANCE! *sigh* I don't know if it's gonna be any good but it's irksome none the less!

I'm off to pack some more boxes. Have a great Thursday all!

House

2009-06-03T18:21:00.002-07:00

So today we had the house shown to two different perspective buyers. My agent said both showings went well and one of them was interested in talking numbers. Exciting right? My agent also told me that since she was representing both us and the buyers we could get a reduction in the commission. Exciting right?!

So why am I an emotional mess? I'm all weepy and stuff. It sounds like what I hoped for. A family. People who fell in love with it like we did. But I'm crying.

I wanted to raise my children here. I didn't....don't want to move. I am a girl who likes to be settled. I feel very unsettled. It will be a good thing. We'll pay off more debt. We'll be ready to roll if and when my husband gets moved up. My husband will gain more free time to be with us. Less time commuting will be a relief to me. I won't be responsible for a house during a hurricane.. I just....I don't know. It all makes me cry.

MMMMMonday

2009-06-01T11:15:00.002-07:00

Wow. I'm really stinkin' up the place when it comes to blogging lately aren't I? You know what I think it is? Part of it is Facebook. Definitely facebook. It's quick and I'm able to catch up on peoples stuff in a blink. That is PART of it.

The other part is that nothing is really happening. Nothing that sparks my imagination. Nothing that made me mad or made me giggle. NOTHING. Right now I just feel like we are in a holding pattern. Can't move forward till the house sells. It's been really hard for me to initiate household projects because I feel like WHY BOTHER? It's not gonna be my house anymore. *sigh* It bites. We have planned an open house for the 14th. That has spurred me on to do some little projects outside to perk things up a bit. It's sorta pulling me outta my funk. It's so frustrating having things the way they are right now. ACK!

My husbands District Manager got fired last week. It was a sobering event for us. Those feelings of panic are still fresh in our memories. I made sure I said extra prayers for him that night. We don't know why he was fired, we are just thankful he was there when he was to hire my husband. We wish him well.

Happy Monday!

Time keeps on tickin, tickin,tickin into the future.

2009-05-27T13:05:00.002-07:00

My baby girl turned the big ONE THREE on Monday. I can't believe I'm the mother of a 13 year old. I've been seeing the signs for a while now but it's official now.

The plan was to get the candles on her cake and wake her up with a birthday ditty. However she slipped into the kitchen undetected and met us with a "GOOD MORNING!" It bout scared the you know what out of me! I screamed NO! Then "Get out get out get out! I tried to step between her and her father so she couldn't see him lighting all the candles on her cake and I rustled her back to her room. We finished up the cake and walked down the hall to her room where her ceiling fan promptly took care of her candles before she could. *Sigh* We tried!

What did we have for the most important meal of the day? Chocolate cake with chocolate genache and chocolate shavings. What a great breakfast huh? We figured it would be something she would remember. I'd like to think she'd remember it fondly some day when she's old like me. :)

The rest of the day was up to her. She opened gifts, then we went to lunch. We shopped (she had a gift card to spend yo) and then we went to a movie. After the movie she chose to have dinner at Chili's. I was very surprised by the choice. I guess it's just further proof she's growing up. No Mickey D's for her! We finished the day watching a movie she got as a gift and eating yet another slice of her fabulous birthday cake. (No wonder I gained 2 lbs!)

All in all I think we did a good job. We tried to allow her to lead and not stick with all the stuff she USED to like. I think it was a wise choice. You don't turn 13 everyday you know!

MARAKA

2009-05-19T08:23:00.002-07:00

My kids and I LOVED this video short from Saturday Night Live. I wish you coulda heard my boy giggling. Of course he had no idea what the jokes were but he knew it wasn't something "DORA" would say!

Let's see...

2009-05-17T15:45:00.002-07:00

School is winding down. My son's preschool graduation is Monday. This will be his first program, I can't wait. I know I'll cry. What's with that crying crap anyway? I never used to be a crier! Now a sappy commercial can reduce me to a blubbery mess. I blame it on becoming a mom. That has to be it. My daughter has one whole day and about 2 hours on Tuesday. She had good grades and was exempt from all but one of her final exams so as soon as she finishes it on Tuesday she is done! School isn't officially out till Friday but early dismissal is her reward!

Got my blood test results back the day after they drew my blood. That was a surprise. It never comes that fast or else they just don't TELL me they are back that fast! HA! I wasn't home and just got the message on my machine but they said everything was normal. Which makes me uber happy! I still have to call back and see if my blood sugar was part of these tests. I THINK it was and if so then I'm over the moon. That stinkin' blood sugar is what started my whole weight loss Odyssey.

Can't think of anything else. But I'll try to leave you with a smile. Why do gorilla's have big nostrils? It's because they have big fingers! Ha! It's stupid but you smiled didn't you?

OY my achin' head.

2009-05-13T12:20:00.002-07:00

Woke up with a terrible headache today. I think it's my neck causing the pain because if I hold my head just right the pain subsides. *sigh*

I went to the lab today to get my blood work done. I decided 30 days was too long to wait. 30 days is how long we have till the new insurance plan will kick in. So I looked up the insurance charges from my last blood work and found that it was in the 50-70 dollar range. I could swing that! So I went in. After waiting for forever she started taking my info and when I told her I'd be paying for it she started adding up the charges. 286.00! I was floored! That's not the charges on my statements! Usually they show the actual charge and then the negotiated rate. It didn't have any totals like she was giving me today! So I left. I told my husband I wasn't going to pay that much money. I went back to my doctors office (across the hall) and they told me that they had a special rate if I was "self paying". I paid 45 dollars for the same tests. I had to go to a different lab (two doors down) but the difference was staggering! I'm SO glad I didn't pay what the first lab wanted I'd have been angry about it. PLUS the lab tech told me I looked fabulous! SOLD!

2009-05-08T10:04:00.003-07:00

Well, they filled the position in Baton Rouge with someone from Alabama. None of the new assistants are ready to fill it so there was no spots open for my guy. That's OK. He still has a job he loves in a place he loves.

We got a call from another head hunter for a company he used to work for. The last head hunter for them told CCB they couldn't hire back previous employees. It didn't make sense but whattaya gonna do? The NEW head hunter said that wasn't true and wanted to talk to CCB about a job. Thing is, they pay less than what he's making now. Which was a pay cut from what he used to make. I don't think we could go that low and get by.

Truth be told I think we are where we're supposed to be. I think we just need to be patient and things will fall in line. It was the possibilities of these other positions that were muddying the water for me. I'm believing that God has a plan we just need to be still and wait.

Eh.

2009-05-07T06:29:00.002-07:00

It's been a bit of an up and down sorta week. Found out that someone who works for my husbands company in BATON ROUGE has put in their notice. Kinda got me excited because if they were to transfer CCB to that store then we wouldn't have to sell our house and move. On the other hand he really likes working in Lafayette. If we sold the house we could pay off nearly all our debt and have a fresh start. I don't know which I prefer right now. I hate indecision.

My son is nearly done with preschool. He was begging me not to make him go today. He's afraid of his hat falling off during his graduation practice. It sounds like the teachers have struck fear in his little heart! I paid the last tuition payment this week. That makes me happy. A little more money toward the bottom line.

We are making great strides in paying off our old debt. We've paid off nearly half of it since my husbands stint with unemployment. We are changing the way we deal with money. Things can change in an instant. The peace of mind alone make it all worth it. We cut off cable yesterday. We are now just using the digital converter boxes. It's saving us 62.00 a month. You know what's even better than saving the money? My kids don't spend so much time watching t.v. They had seen every episode of Sponge Bob and every other nickelodeon show they have. We are spending more time together as well. I'm loving it!

The coffee is kicking in and I have got to get a shower taken while I still have the peace and quiet.

Uh YUM!

2009-04-28T06:43:00.003-07:00

I haven't been posting much. Not a lot going on I guess. I HAVE been a little tiny bit addicted to Facebook I have to admit, though it doesn't take up so much time I couldn't drop a post here and there.

I found something fantastic! It's called Better n Peanut butter. It tastes amazing AND it has 85% less fat and 40% less calories. (Our regular peanut butter is 190 calories but this Better n peanut butter is only 100!) NO saturated fats, NO trans fats, gluten free, and dairy free. I am excited about it! I haven't tried using it in baking yet. That's next!

Did you know they have powdered peanut butter? Yep they do! I would love to try that to but so far I guess I'd have to buy it online. I see so many possibilities to experiment with this product!

Also tried the new Truvia sugar substitute stuff. I like it better than splenda. It is a little more true to sugar in my opinion. Not that my opinion matters. =)

What else is new around here....OH! My brother is getting married. We went shopping to find something for me to wear. None of my old dresses fit the new me these days. I found 2 amazing dresses. Have you ever put some piece of clothing on and it just made you FEEL amazing? Yeah. I have now.

Haven't heard about the people who are trying so desperately to get financing to buy our house. They are the very first people who looked at it and were turned down for the loan. It seems they didn't give up and have been trying to work different methods to get it. They brought their mom to see it last week in hopes she'd approve and help them out. Still no word. I am really pulling for them because they fell in love with the place just like I did. I'm not counting them out because they seem to be tenacious but sometimes (I've found) that if it doesn't work out, you just shouldn't force it. We'll see what happens.

Boy I'm all over the place here, food, clothes, and house selling. Just like old times. Random crap comin' at ya!

Who Cares?

Rest

My life with the mob

Bound by love

Ebb and flow

Ripping off the scab.

Back to the grind.

Anger

Good riddance.

He's gone.

Stuff

Back in the saddle

Busy

*crickets*

Etsy

Indecision

Dis and Dat

Helpless

Hope

Mixed feelings

New and improved!

Growing

WAVE of the future.

BIRTHDAY!

Growin my own. :(

It's Monday and I'm still here!

Now that's just sad.

Update

Goodness!

First grader and freshman!

Dreams

Anxiety!

Long time no see.

Tree

All is well

Mourning

WHEW!

Huh?

Nuttin

Again

thinking

Relief?

Stress

AGAIN

uncomfortable

The REST of the story

WOW

Eh

YEAR

Deflated

Whattaya think?

Good bye 2009

WHEW!

I did all that for what?

And now we wait....some more.

Slowing down...as things speed up

Stuff

Dis and dat.

Just when I thought it was smooth sailing....

Nerves

results

on track

LAME

Girls day

Content

Try

Good

FREE

DONE

Aggravation

worry

Waiting to exhale

Feelin' crafty

Holding pattern.

Dear neighbor ladies,

FOUL!

Things are looking up!

Something other than house talk.

Advice?

BACK

crickets

sigh