That weekend went by too quick for me! CCB worked open to close on Saturday so Sunday was our only whole day with him. CCB took my daughter and they did some shopping for me which kept them away most of the afternoon. It would appear we are done with our Christmas shopping except for a couple of gift cards I need to pick up. That's a good feeling. I can relax.
Fairscape said something in her comment on my last post that I find to be incredibly insightful. She said," also... you are still suffering from your great loss from this summer... ". I don't know how she knew I was still struggling with that. Just last night it was all I could think of. I'm getting closer and closer to when my due date was scheduled. I find myself thinking about it all the time. How big would my belly be? What would my youngest think about everything going on? I really thought I was moving on from all that but I find that it is resurfacing the closer we get. . When I read her comment I felt like perhaps I wasn't crazy. That maybe it's just part of the process. I just wanted to thank her for giving me a little peace of mind.
I didn't intend to be a downer. I will be more Merry tomorrow I promise.
8 comments:
I know exactly how you're feeling, if you're anything like I was you're dreading that date like nothing on earth. Even 8 years on I still mark the date, just quietly in my own way. Time is a great healer and now I remember it wistfully, but it was painful for quite a few years after. *Big hugs* and I'm thinking of you xx
There's nothing crazy about mourning the loss of a baby and thinking about what could have been. You lost a child. No matter how far along the pregnancy you were, it was your child, and that's a tremendous loss. I don't think anyone would expect you to be over it, or to ever get over it.
(No, I take that back. I know some assholes probably would expect you to be "over it" - but that's because they're heartless.)
(And probably a male.)
(Not saying that all males are heartless. Some just don't understand things well.)
(And by "well" I mean "at all.")
You...sweet girl...are anything but a downer!
Any time a baby is lost, it is hard. You are not crazy at all, it is more expected than one might know.....Don't worry about the grieving process, it is something you have to work out... My heart is with you. Your little angel is probably watching from above, throw him/her a kiss....
thinking of you...
"You formed my inward parts. You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works. And that my soul knows very well, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." Psalms 139:13-16
I love you. He is home with God!
hugs and kisses
Happy holidays to you. We can count on you to always be here in the good times and bad. You are a survivor and it's good to find your blogging continue. I'm with you on wishing for Sprinkleshouse return.
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