Alright, so this morning I go into my sons room for our morning snuggle and as we are talking I hear a man start yelling. It takes a second for me to figure out that it is at the neighbors back door. It was so loud that I thought they were just outside the window! I wait for a minute and when the yelling doesn't stop I peek out my sons window. Their house doesn't face the same street as ours they face the road that crosses ours so I can see their back patio.... kinda. I can see his head at the sliding glass window and he's yelling," Why are you doing this?" She's yelling back but I can't make out her words because she's on the other side of the locked glass door. At some point he gets into the house and while I can still hear some fierce yelling it's muffled now and can't make out much of his ranting but I can hear her say, "Get the "F" out! I "F"ing hate you!"
Here is my question to you all. Should I have called the police? Just because they are yelling doesn't mean it would get out of hand right? Just because that sort of confrontation really stresses me out,doesn't mean she reacts the same way. Some people love drama. I went back and forth as to whether it was my business or not. I couldn't decide. I thought about going over and knocking on the door but I couldn't take my 3 year old into a potentially volatile situation and I sure couldn't leave him home alone. My only option to help would be the police. It's quiet over there now I'm not sure if he left or not. I would feel so guilty if something bad happened but I wouldn't want to make my neighbor angry with me for butting in on her either. (We really don't know these neighbors, it's been a house with 3 women living in it. It's only been recently that I've seen this man there all the time.)
What would you do?
9 comments:
I've been there---one of our neighbours was always abusive, vocally and sometimes physically, with her girlfriends. As soon as we heard slaps or crying, we called the police, but because the houses were all close together, the neighbour never knew who'd called. And maybe it was more than one of us.
We're brought up to be polite and to look for proof of things before we complain, but domestic violence just takes too great a toll to stick with that. In the park beside our building, there is a monument to victims of domestic murder, and it's shocking how many names are there.
To me, if a person is violent or threatening, he/she has to live with the consequences, rather than his/her victim. I hope that doesn't sound preachy.
Lorna-You weren't preachy at all. Honestly I was afraid they would know who called We are the closest ones to their house. I don't know if it was threatening or not I just know they were both yelling. I don't want anyone to be a statisitic either.
Hmm... I think I'd have had to be in the situation to know what I'd do. Definitely not go over there, that's for sure. Three year old or not it's never a good thing to put yourself in that situation. I think I might have called the sheriff's department (not 911) and have them send someone out to ask questions and see what's going on, and there's a chance they might never know it was you because the police normally won't tell the people who called.
I've called the sheriff's department on neighbors before, and that way I know that the situation will be investigated, but I know that I'm also not hogging up a 911 operator's line, so I'd recommend that if it happens again.
Tough query. You can't afford to get in the middle of domestic violence. You don't want to avoid helping someone in need. My thinking is if she were truly in danger, she would have called 911 rather than stand at the door yelling at the man. You might stop by your local police station in the future and ask what you should do if the circumstance should arise again. Meanwhile go about your day and try to forget about it. Oh so much easier said than done, right?
There's not a lot really the police could have done. Over here police don't get involved in domestic incidents unless there are children involved, and that doesn't count children as witnesses.
You did the right thing keeping your son well out of it as you never know what could have happened. Do you know the lady concerned, and does she know you saw it? If it were me the next time I saw her I'd ask if she was ok.
It sounds to me like an isolated incident, an argument that got out of hand that will probably never happen again. Involving the police wouldn't have let them heal and caused bad feeling between you and the neighbour.
Sorry that came out wrong - I meant that if the victim rings the police they will come regardless - they will not respond to a third party alerting them to an altercation unless there are children involved.
Sorry I'm trying to concentrate with an incredibly noisy baby. I'm surprised our neighbours haven't called the police on suspicion of us trying to murder her. Better go and give Mr T a break from her screaming!
Yes, that is a tough one.
I wouldn't go over there and get in the middle at all, that is how innocent by standers get killed.
I bet, with three women living in the house and one man involved, there is a love triangle. Who knows?
My husband is a retired police officer, I'll have to ask him what you should do if this happens again. I'll report back.
I asked my husband what you should have done and he said that if you thought that it was a dangerous situation, then you should call the police. He says, that is what they are for. He said, never go over there in the middle of a comfortation, call the police....
If he had gone into the house then I would have phoned the police. Otherwise would have kept my head down, curtain twitching and check on them all later when he had gone. It's so hard to work out what you would do when you are not in that situation.
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