I learned something about myself recently, I'm not as tough as I'd like to think I am. We attended a "new members" dinner for our church the other night and in an effort to get to know others I deliberately steered my family to a table with extra chairs so we'd HAVE to chat with others. I thought it was pretty smart. As it turns out we ended up sitting with the pastor, his wife and another couple. The woman that sat next to me dominated the conversation ALL night. We heard about her daughters marital issues, the church they helped to found in Texas, the jobs they had, their home in the fancy part of town, and the vacation they are taking this week. When the pastors wife tried to turn the conversation to my husband and I this woman found a reason to interject her own story into the conversation and thus take it over time and time again.
I was annoyed with this woman all through dinner but was encouraged when she turned to talk to me, she asked if I worked outside our home. "No, I'm a domestic goddess" I replied. Then she said,"Oh that's nice. CCB what do you do?" It may sound innocent enough when I repeat it here but it hit me hard. I felt so dismissed. I felt like what I do wasn't important enough for me to be able to hold a conversation about it. At the time it ticked me off but I said nothing.
Over the course of the next day or so it just ate away at me. I believe in what I do. It probably isn't the most fiscally sound move we have made but it's what my husband and I wanted for our children. Not only do I care for our children but I cook and clean but I tend to the yard work and do small repairs and improvements. I don't ask for much help from my husband at all. I figure if I get it done while he's away at work we can spend more time together as a family when he gets home. I think what I do is valuable and so does my husband. CCB has told to me how much he likes our arrangement. He says that he knows how much work I do and explained that knowing I have it all covered gives him sense of peace.
So if I feel this way, why did this woman's comments make me feel so small? Why did it gnaw at me? I don't think she set out to hurt my feelings, perhaps I was just over sensitive because she had been rude all night. She isn't the sort of person I want to befriend so why did I care about her response? The truth is I still don't know. That bothers me still.
9 comments:
Don't let it bother you. I was a Domestic Goddess too. We have a very important job to do and it is a decision that is made between a husband and a wife as to what is best for their family. My mother stayed home and took care of us and I wanted to do the same thing. I could not imagine letting someone else take care of my kids while I was out working somewhere. We did fine on one paycheck. I cooked, cleaned, sewed, was a girls scout leader, a room mother, church worker, taxie driver ( for the kids) and wore many hats. I know that I wouldn't have lived my life any other way.
I have helped my husband with his business by doing paper work, taking phone calls, and getting things ready for the tax man. Being a Domestic Goddess is a lot of work when done properly.
Please don't let this petty woman's opinion worry you. You are doing a great job.....
Thank you for all that you do as a mother! It is underpaid and underappreciated, but I sure am grateful for mother laborers such as yourself!!! Keep up the good work.
when someone is talking to you, it's never about you, it's about them (which is making me dizzy). Don't take it personally and life will be easier. Says the woman who still cries because her first mother-in-law said she was a quasi-intellectual wannabe
Okay, it is not time for you to use your creative talents to make the Domestic Goddess Award to present to other bloggers like yourself who are SAHMs.
I know a bunch I would present it to, my daughter for starters. It wears me out to try to keep up with her day to day encounters and tasks.
It is not an easy decision to stay home without recognition for your accomplishments. In the workplace you receive raises and words of praise. At home, the rewards seem a longtime coming but are the greatest when your children flourish under your care.
You are among the greatest!
Oh, you have some great commentors here : )
What this insensitive woman said would bother me too...& I'd be bothered that it bothered me too.
Yep, it sounds crazy when I type it...lol...screw here & her rudeness & keep up the great work.
It sounds like no matter what answer you gave, she's just not that interested in what other people have to say.
Because society has arranged it so that women think that they have to do everything: they have to take care of the house and the kids and then they have to work outside of the home and if they don't they are often made to feel guilty about it, as if what they do doesn't really matter.
Well, I'll tell you what. What we are doing is raising the future. And if they don't think that's important, well, then what is?
Sorry, I just can't stand patronizing, narcissistic wenches like that. I really can't. I feel your pain, I realllllllly do.
Keep ya head up!!!!
It bothers you for the same reason it bothered me that people at my old job never asked if I was leaving for another job, they just assumed I was going to stay at home. It just does.
Well written article.
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