Sorry it's been a while since my last post. Life has a way of taking over.
I've ditched the meds. They were good for a while. I think they did what I needed them to, but then they stopped. I did not want to increase the dosage. I did not want to depend on them. That is what it had come to. I had started looking forward to bed time so I could take them and dive into deep dreamless sleep. That is until they stopped working. Increasing the dosage was something that didn't sit well with me. So I stopped. It was rough at first. Sleep was elusive. My dreams were disturbing. I was exhausted. I came through it though. My husband is so happy to have OGO back. He tells me all the time he missed me. Dropping the meds restored the original OGO back to my family.
Don't get me wrong. The meds really helped me when I needed it. The sleep was so restorative and I'm glad to have had it but I think that perhaps it was also keeping me from working through my grief. I still think of my father daily. I still shed tears on the regular basis but you know what? I feel more like my old self. I know my father wouldn't want me to let grief take me down. He would want me to be happy and move forward. I'm trying to, and I think I'm making progress.
Big changes are in store for my family. A move that we've been hoping for is fast approaching. We are hoping this will be a good move for the whole family. A move that will allow us to "be" again. Be neighbors, friends, and part of a community. I want roots. I'm hoping this will allow us to put some down again. FINGERS CROSSED!